Please subscribe to our YouTube channel for more content!
MEET THE KROCKS: We are a married couple who started on a life-changing whole food, plant-based weight loss journey in June 2018. To date, we have lost over 290 pounds combined and we aren’t done yet! Read Our Story
Follow our Journey:
YOUTUBE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST | TWITTER
I realized this morning that I needed to have a conversation.
Brian went off to church (like he normally does on Sunday mornings). He leaves around 7:15am since he is in the church band and they practice before the 9:05am service starts. He plays in both services and then goes to lunch with his family afterwards.
I spend my Sunday mornings at home. Usually hanging out with the dogs, dancing around the kitchen prepping vegetables for the week. Sometimes I meet my mom for lunch and hang out with her, although that has become less common since we started this whole weight loss “adventure.” It became more difficult to find places to eat lunch with her, so we kind of stopped going.
So Sunday mornings are my time to be alone with the dogs and my thoughts. Sometimes I take them on a really long walk through the city, blasting music on my headphones and clearing my head from whatever happened during the week.
A lot of people were confused that I didn’t go to church with Brian in the “What We Eat In A Day” video we put out a few weeks back. We’ve been married for over eight years now, and no – I don’t usually go to church with him. I go every once in a while. I was raised a Christian and I do have my beliefs, but faith has never played as big of a role in my life as it has in Brian’s. There have been times over the years of being with him that I wished I had what he has, but I just don’t. And I’m not sorry for that.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason and the world works in really funny ways. Like I said, this morning I realized I needed to have a conversation.
I sat at home on the couch binge watching a show on Hulu and binge eating chocolate peanut butter cups. They are those little dark chocolate ones from Justin’s that are technically vegan, but definitely not “healthy.” I bought a bunch of them on sale at Whole Foods this week, even though I know I have a problem eating just one or two. I bought them with this idea in mind that I would use them to prove to myself that I still had the discipline I did when we first started this journey. I guess I was trying to show myself that I could exist with them in my pantry and only eat one or two as a treat at the end of the day.
Well, that didn’t work. I bought them on Friday and we spent all day Saturday at home. I kept “sneaking” them throughout the day, hoping that Brian wouldn’t notice. Maybe he did, but he didn’t say anything. I kept telling myself in my head… “I’ll eat a bunch today and then starting TOMORROW, I’ll be disciplined and only eat one or two.”
So this morning as I sat there binge watching TV shows, eating my twelfth peanut butter cup (they are the MINI ones, but STILL), I realized I needed to talk to Brian about this.
Then I got a message from Brian saying that I should have come to church today because his pastor gave a really powerful sermon that actually paralleled a lot of things from our weight loss “adventure.” See, his pastor actually took a sabbatical from the church a few months back and checked into rehab to help deal with alcohol addiction. Today was his second week back on stage at church.
I thought to myself… “hmmm, if I had gone to church, I wouldn’t be sitting here about to inhale another peanut butter cup.” I was in no place to bring myself off the couch and get to church in time for the second service, but luckily I can live stream it from home.
It was crazy how many things he said in the sermon that related back to exactly what I was going through. The stars aligned and his message was just what I needed to hear in that moment. I sat there in tears. I will say, I still didn’t connect 100% with the faith aspects of his sermon, but I definitely connected with his personal story.
Brian has never pressured me to go to church with him. We each do our own thing and we both respect that. A lot of people have told me over the years that all of my anxiety, etc. could be solved by going to church or “letting my faith take over.” But Brian and I are in a very different place when it comes to that. And we’re both okay with it. Everyone has their own path.
It’s not just the peanut butter cups from this weekend. Last week at work someone brought us these giant boxes of chocolate caramels. People bring us stuff like that all of the time, but throughout the last year and a half of our journey, I had the willpower to avoid them. Last week, I snuck quite a few of them. Again, I kept telling myself I would get it out of my system and go back to being strong next week.
There have been other little things over the past few weeks. Nothing major, but I definitely haven’t been on my game when it comes to sticking to our normal diet. I’ve been overeating certain things even when I’m not hungry. Part of me thinks it is because I’ve been in such a GOOD place mentally and feeling pretty great at my current weight. I’ve lost some of the drive I had at the beginning of this journey because I’ve almost reached the “end” of my weight loss.
I’ve battled with food addiction for most of my life. I’ve lost weight in the past and then allowed myself to put all of it back on (and more). So truth be told – I’m scared. I know I have what it takes to beat this, but I can’t do it by myself. Part of what Brian’s pastor talked about this morning was community. More specifically, having a community to hold you accountable. It’s one thing to say in your head “I’m going to do this” and it’s another to actually do it. If I keep telling myself in my head I am going to, I probably won’t. I needed to get it out.
Before I even heard the sermon, I knew I needed to talk to Brian and that he would help me be accountable. But I honestly wasn’t sure if that would be enough. Brian always tells me that he loves me “like nothing else.” At the end of the day, sometimes we aren’t the best at holding each other accountable, because we also want to give in to what makes the other happy, even if it’s just temporary happiness provided by a tiny peanut butter cup.
I messaged Brian while he was still at church and told him I wasn’t doing well and that we needed to have a conversation when he got home. As I ran through what I needed to say to him in my head, I decided that I actually wanted to film the conversation so we could share it with you. I wanted to share the raw conversation, not a produced video of us re-hashing it afterwards.
I am hoping that maybe it can help some of you out there who might be struggling. And I also need your help. I need my community to support me and hold me accountable.
After filming the video, I actually felt worse about the whole thing. I felt disappointed in myself and like everyone would view me as a failure. Brian’s pastor talked a lot about going to “a dark place” when he was in rehab. He talked about feeling like everyone around him would abandon him, but the truth is – no one was abandoning him. They all wanted to help.
❤️
How very inspiring. It happens because we are human. Be strong Stay focused as much as possible. I love your videos. I am in the process of going WFPB myself because of you guys. Keep up th e good work. You’ve got this.
Thank you, Jessica. This kommunity will wrap their arms around you. I am sure you will get all kinds of comments and some will speak directly to you and inspire you. Lord knows you have already done that for so many. It’s your turn!!
Jessica, wow I don’t even know you in real life and no one really should judge another; but I beg to differ. Judging isn’t always bad. When you reveal your heart like you did whoever has anything critical to say I feel sorry for them. The struggle is real for us all when someone or something seems to have power over us. The enemy of our soul wants us to believe we are nothing or powerless and feel awful about it. Truth is when we are real about who we are; those are not bad things (nothing or powerless) but that makes us look at the only One who does have the victory. He’s the one, not us who deserves the Glory and Honor whenever we conquer or seemingly conquer an addiction or problem. I appreciate you so much probably more now than ever before. You and your husband, are precious precious. Thank you for you sharing your real and tender heart with me and the world.
You hit the nerve of the problem.
Yes, I can diet, I can lose weight, but the consequence is that my body wants to reset to my “fat weight” and overshoots sending me to a higher weight. I have screamed and cried to “experts” saying it doesn’t work. I once was told it takes two years to “reset” your brain. You are my hero.
Here are two sites to check out. Stay strong, you are my hero.
https://academic.oup.com/jn/article/127/9/1875S/4728914
Sending❤️ You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you for your raw honesty. No judgment here. Nothing but love.
Am NOT being dramatic when I tell you your video and blog post were answered prayer, Because as a vegan who has been striving to lose weight, and have been sneaking two Dr.Pepper and have to stop sugar because its BAD for me!!! To know someone else struggles means so much to me and give me hope Will regroup and begin anew. THANK YOU!!
I went on a healthy pescatarian diet avoiding sugar gluten nightshade vegetables in 2008 when I had a first time flare up of rheumatoid arthritis. I lost 40 lbs and my symptoms went away and never came back thank God. My weight did come back and I have a real problem weighing 195 lbs. I don’t have the will power and I don’t have community/support system. I’m a visiting nurse and mom of a 28 year old severely auto doc adult son. I do have a loving parents and siblings especially close to one sister and we both struggle with food etc. She’s more disciplined about exercise. I don’t have answers except I know intellectually what to do. I need to find the inner strength to take steps in the today just this 24 hours. From your husband’s pastor’s journey to my journey as well. Thank you for opening up about how real the struggle for health is for some of us. God bless you both. Susan
Thank you, thank you, Jessica. Thanks for being so real. I had just come in from the kitchen where I had snuck something I really shouldn’t have been eating and there you were, pouring out your heart and saying everything I bet anyone with a food addiction has thought but maybe been afraid to say out loud. I appreciate your honesty so much. Bless you!
I love your honesty so much Do ypu and Brian You’ve changed lives don’t beat yourself up at least you recognize when you have a week that’s me I have to start all over again I don’t new day because like you Jessica I was focused and give into that small peanut butter cup every once in a while
Love you both. Please listen and or read Dr Lisle about brain and ‘pleasure trap’. Thank you for being so willing to share this difficult session.
I called my husband into the room to watch this video Jessica. We were both touched by your honesty and vulnerability and by Brian’s love for you. He seems like such a sweet and tender husband.
Both of you are such good examples to other couples like my husband and I. We dont struggle as much with food but we struggle in our marriage. If we could learn to be as honest and vulnerable and loving as both of you we will achieve so much more than dieting.
God bless you both ! I wish you great success with your food journey but more than that I wish you many more loving years of marriage together. You are changing people’s lives. You really touched us .Brian made my husband cry.
Thank you, thank you, Jessica. Thanks for being so real. I had just come in from the kitchen where I had snuck something I really shouldn’t have been eating and there you were, pouring out your heart and saying everything I bet anyone with a food addiction has thought but maybe been afraid to say out loud. I appreciate your honesty so much and your bravery! Bless you!
Hello Jessica, I’m Eva. I have struggled with my weight my entire life, and my partner struggles the same. We have tried so many different ways of eating, and always have had success, but we always return to our old “ normal “ way of eating, and it always comes back, repeat, repeat, repeat. We knew we had to try a new way of eating forever, to become healthy. Then we found you and Brian. We have learned SOOOO much from you, and have branched out and read things, watched things and tried to become as educated as we can about eating plant based. We don’t feel like we are on a diet, but just learning a new way to live. Our weight is going down and down, and we feel so good.
Now, back to you. After watching your video this evening, and seeing you be so real, and so human left us both so very appreciative of your generosity in sharing you experiences with us. Knowing that for those of us that struggle with eating problems, that it never goes away, you just learn to control it is difficult enough, but we don’t bare that to anyone. You made yourself vulnerable to your public, and while that must have been difficult, it was INDEED a selfless gift you gave to us all. It makes us feel so much less alone! I feel like I now can be even stronger, knowing that you aren’t perfect, so I don’t have to be to succeed.
The bottom line is this: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for sharing you personal life, your success, your fails, your recipes, your life. We have become so much stronger because of it! Oh, and thanks to Brian too, lolololol. Just joshin, he’s great too!
❤️
Hi Jessica. I discovered you two a couple of weeks ago and have been really enjoying your videos. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you’re experiencing. I think it helps many people know they are not alone as many experience similarly, myself included. I think it’s uncanny that the message at my church this morning was also about community, about finding your “tribe” to hold you accountable, to remind you of who you are, to journey alongside you and encourage you. As someone said in the comments on your video, you’ve brought it into the light and that’s a good thing. You’re certainly not a failure. You’re human 🙂
Jessica,
Thanks for your truthfulness and please don’t feel bad. WE would never judge you. We love you and we appreciate your example. You are a great role model to all of us. Find out what is triggering you… Find a way to relax because we are all triggered and you are not a criminal for not having willpower to resist tempting foods that are not good for you. Remember what you have done in the past to stay on course… If you HAVE TO, GO WITH BRAIN TO CHURCH.
Dear Jessica,
You said that you are disappointed but I see a person who was brave enough to say, “We figured out a diet to lose and achieve a healthy lifestyle but the critical side of me figured out how to undermine my years of work.” We all have that critical side that undermines our best efforts. Your successes have threatened the critical side of you that wants you to binge eat. Your video was powerful because you faced that part of you that wants you to give up. Your video puts all of this out to everyone; that required courage. I suspect that Brian’s minister would tell you that living without alcohol is only part of the battle. I can see why you related to his sermon. You are not alone. Please keep talking about this.
Jessica, your confession took more courage than most of us have! I know it must have been very difficult for you. I think most of us have our struggles with food, I know I do. Thank you for being honest with us. You truly are a sweet and lovely person!
You have an eating disorder and the thought of it coming to end, diet and weight-wise scares you. It makes sense to try to control it by sneak eating and maybe its a little self sabotage….but it all makes sense. Now that you are Krocks in the Kitchen Jessica on this weight-loss adventure, with no more weight to lose…who are you then? So without you realizing it Jessica, your mind is in panic mode. What is the one reason you don’t want to lose weight? Is there something your protecting physically, mentally, emotional or spiritually? Email me back, I can elaborate more if needed.
Your words rang so true with me and I thank you for your honesty. I believe so many people will resonate with your fears.
A Thought came to me that You might want to consider speaking to a therapist who deals with addiction. Talking to someone who is qualified may give you some ‘tools’ to help you with these current feelings.
Bless you as you continue forward.
Hi Jessica, Thank you for sharing this struggle. I have the same fear and anxiety. I have started over so many times that I have decided not to start over again. For me, I am just moving forward and winning as many battles in this war as possible. A few months ago I started eating candy like crazy and gained back all of my weight, it is not fun carrying this weight again. This time one of my processes is to concentrate on my daily walk and not fantasizing so much on the end product. Well anyway, I appreciate your honesty, it is nice to know I do not struggle alone. God be with you and Brian in this life adventure. Sincerely, Rose
Thank you for posting the video. It is super hard to lose weight. It is even more difficult to keep the lost weight off. We all have moments of reverting back to old behavior, but we hate admitting it. It took a lot of courage of you to talk about it, and it is why what you do is so important. You are helping a lot of people learn how to eat healthy! You are also sharing your struggles so when other people experience the same thing, they know how to handle it. Whole-food plant-based is such a great diet because the processed foods leads to that rabbit hole. There is an interesting book called “Red Line Eating,” which includes experiments with mice that show how sugar is more addictive than cocaine. Sugar is on the other side of the red line. Thanks again for sharing!
Wow you just proved that you are human and I have also done a very similar thing .I went vegan about 2 years ago but besides being about 200lbs I was also diabetic with high cholesterol and high blood pressure.I ended up moving in with my daughter who was Vegan and she helped me get on the right path,I now have no health issues no need for any medicine including insulin .recently I found myself sneaking food when she was gone and late at night also telling myself tomorrow I would not do that well we all know how that goes and I have had the same fear and do not want the need for insulin again so I sure can relate to your problem.I started watching your videos a few months ago and binge watched many I was so impressed with you guys and love your videos please stay strong you are a fantastic couple love you both and thank
you Jessica your recent video made me see the light so to speak,keep up the great work you two. I always look forward to Wed and Sundays…. Granny B from Ga
Jessica you are such an inspiration to me. I haven’t been on this whole food thing very long but long enough to want to eat my binge food (no bake cookies)one night. I sat on the couch bracing for the old familiar battle. I said a prayer asking for help. The next thing that happened is I got this idea that I could make a whole food version of the no bake cookies. It worked. I’ll be praying for you.
Thanks for being human. We each take our own path. And we’re all vulnerable. I’m glad you have the support of each other and this community. I ddo not know anyone ocerwe Got who doesn’t struggle with the same stuff. But most of all I truly admire your courage for sharing with us. You are not on your own.
Jessica, You are not alone. Yes, this is a difficult, emotional journey. We are human and this “adventure” is never a straight line. Be kind to yourself and move on. You can do this girl. You need to give yourself room to be human. If I was there I would hug you and tell you it’s OK. You’re amazing. This is your walk, your “journey”. Learn from this and ask yourself questions. Be curious so that you can use this as a learning exercise. There are many who are walking this with you and so appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.
Hey Jessica. This is a tough time right now, but you’re shining a light on food addiction by talking about it. This is incredibly brave and really functional to do.You won’t know me, but i have been a faithful follower enjoying your videos. I’m cheering for you because you deserve to be supported no matter what happens. I really enjoy your process, even if it is hard. I got your back gurl and you got this.
OMG….this is exactly what I’ve been struggling with the past couple of days. I can so relate to the secret eating and binging when my husband and daughter aren’t around. I had been doing really well since the new year, but these past 2 days have been hard. My daughter is a Girl Scout so we have cookies in the house. I kept playing mind games about whether to eat some or not. I rationalized that if I ate a whole box, no one would know, but if I ate a couple from the currently open box then my husband would know I got into them. In the end, I ate one from the open box, but what a struggle it was! Your video came at the right time! Thank you for sharing!
Can you post a link to the replay of the sermon? I think it would really resonate with me too.
Dear Jessica
Thank you so much for writing in your raw voice. I started watching your videos a few weeks ago and I’ve been absorbing your messages. This one hit me in a nutshell I’ve struggled with weight virtually my entire life. I’ve been working at transitioning to wfpb eating for a few years I know for me it’s the answer to all of my health related issues. What you said about starting over tomorrow just hit me – I’ve said those words what feels like five million times. Thank you for your ho Etsy. It had given me the courage tonite to plan to eat the oatmeal I prepRed today for breakfast and tot have the courage to again try to get back on track. Thank you. Daphne
Thank you for sharing this story. You are so brave to speak openly about something that so many of us view as a dirty little secret. I have been vegan 8 years bouncing between whole food plant based and junk food vegan. And my weight has seen even more ups and downs than before I went vegan. 50-60lb swings ( I’m currently WFPB and losing weight fast) I am a food addict surrounded by people who just don’t get it. Will power just doesn’t work. A treat or indulgence isn’t fun when we feel sick and guilty after. Keep the stuff out of your house and please keep sharing your story. Love yourself enough to put the feel good food in your body. And do banana nice cream with chocolate powder and a spoon of PB when craving strikes. A few tablespoons of “fat” can really help curb desire to binge.
Thank you for sharing this, Jessica. Very well written and something I can relate too. Good deals on favorite treats get me! I think your Sunday mornings to yourself sound so wonderful. Sending you strength to keep going and to find peace in this time.
Jessica thank you for your honesty and sharing with us about where you’re at and what you’re going through, I can relate. I know I do it with food as well as money. I get to a certain number on the scale ( not my actual goal but on the way) and I start to get really happy with my progress then negotiate how I deserve ——— , fill in the blank which is where the whole cycle of self sabotage begins. This year I’ve been trying to stay on track and haven’t had a desert yet or overeaten but I have eaten some things that weren’t plant based and felt guilty about it. I want so badly to know what it is like to not feel regret and what life is like on the other side of the weight/food struggle. Glad you’re on the journey and I’m not alone!
I thought about you guys today when I went to The Olive Garden for my daughter-in-laws birthday and I had a piece of paper in my purse with a list of the foods I could eat, from watching your video. You don’t realize what a help you have been to this community just by being you. Talk to us and Brian. We are “hear” for you!
As Chef AJ has said, while you are losing weight, your addiction is in the corner doing push ups so it can come at you stronger. I think this is particularly true as you near your goal.
I wonder if Dr. Doug Lisle covers this in his Beat Your Genes podcast or at his Esteem Dynamics website. He does phone consultation.
As someone who started at 471 lbs and was 9 lbs away from losing nearly half my body weight all I can say is fight like heck to overcome this. I put nearly100 lbs back on and have struggled for five years.
Since you recognize and owned up to the struggle you have taken a good first step. Take the time and use whatever resources you must to get past this.
Being crazy doesn’t make you obese, but being obese can make you crazy as Dr. Matthew Weiner says. Fight to get back to a calm brain.
Maybe share the Sunday sermon link referenced in the YouTube post. It sounds like it may be helpful to many. God Speed.
Jessica, hang in there. As Yoda would say, “there is no try only do.” You did what you needed to do. So now move forward and do again. That’s it! You got this. You’ve got great support. I know the two of you are super intelligent and will sort this out together, so don’t beat yourself up. I’m struggling right now too, but I have a great support system and I know I will get back on track. Spring is just around the corner! Here’s what I think – It’s been a rough year all over the world. This past holiday season seen me indulge more than I ever have before. It just seemed like every time I listened to the news or scrolled through fb, it was devastation everywhere on our planet. For every breaking news snippet, I popped a chocolate in my mouth. I craved dairy cheese and eggs so badly (but at least I didn’t give in to those) and my portions were huge. It was just a huge mess but now I’m cleaning it up. Community is what you need and we are all here for you. Stay strong!
WOW You put into words (TWICE) exactly what I’ve been going through. I watch my husband eat whatever he wants and LOTS of it and I envy him. He has an incredible metabolism and does not gain weight. It stuns me how he can do this and I can not. He cooks high calorie foods and the smells get to me. I want SO badly to “just taste” but I know one spoonful will lead to another and another so I simply can’t go there. It scares me to think that I could so easily end up on that slippery slope.
No judgment here … just understanding. The fact that you wanted to talk about it tells me you want to correct your step. Addictions are powerful and need to be taken seriously. But you can trust that your desire for health and happiness is stronger than any food addiction. Love yourself … forgive yourself … and honor yourself for taking the first step. Sending you a big hug!!
I just read your blog and watched this video. I can’t help but love you Jessica ! Thank you for being so transparent and facing something that, if we are honest,… most of us live with this kind of struggle. I had the interesting view of having been in the service and knowing what Pastor David shared and it is awesome that you were able to connect with his story in a meaningful way. Don’t you marvel at how God orchestrates the timing? We are all on a journey toward wholeness. You and Brian are inspiring and precious to watch. I love how he listens to you express your heart.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggle Jessica. I am struggling today too. I also have a food addiction and eat lots when I am not hungry. What’s worse is, I overeat on unhealthy food that I don’t even like. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and have done for most of my life. I hate the constant battle I have with feeling that I want to eat, but trying not to because I am not hungry and I need to lose lots of weight. The battle rages through the day as I go about my daily tasks.
I think you are brave to speak out about your weaknesses, and seeing how much weight you have lost gives me hope that I can lose all my excess weight and be healthy. Maybe as you struggle in the future with your desire to overeat, you can think of me (and others like me) and I will think of you and we can be strong for each other, if that makes sense.
Wow, I admire you. What a brave step. A couple of things that may help is keep in focus your values and why you made a “lifestyle change”, peanut butter cups, even vegan can take one down a slippery slope as they do not fit the lifestyle you have chosen and it was apparent in your video it affected your values temporarily. We, those who watch the two of you are your community, this is true but church allows you a community as well. One that will help with shame, guilt, justifying the sabotage of choices of values, all the things that create struggle. Jesus loves you, we all love you, Brian loves you…I appreciate your honesty and you are not alone. Your You Tube videos keep me on track. All the best as you take your life on each and every day with the best you cause you are helping me be the best me.
As Chef AJ says, while you are losing weight, your addiction is in the corner doing push ups so it can come at you harder. I think that is especially true the nearer you are to your goal.
I wonder if Dr. Doug Lisle addresses this on his Esteem Dynamics website or Beat Your Genes podcast? He offers phone consults.
As someone who weighed 471 lbs and was only 9 lbs away from losing half my body weight before putting back on 100 lbs and struggling for five years all I can say is fight like heck to overcome this. Recognizing the struggle and owning up to it publicly is a good first step. Use whatever time and resources you must to get past it and return to a calm brain.
As Dr. Matthew Weiner says, being crazy doesn’t make you obese, but being obese can make you crazy.
Can you share the link to the Sunday sermon referenced, please? There may be others in the Krocks in the Kitchen community who could benefit from it. God Speed.
Jessica, you are such a sweet person. You really touched me with your talk in feeling like you may loose control over binge eating. The talk from the church about not putting things off till tomorrow really touched me. I want to do the plant based way of eating but every day I eat something that isn’t on it. Thank you for that video. You and Brian are making a difference.
Jessica
You are definitely not a failure – you are a human being. You are so courageous to let yourself be vulnerable and share your authentic self. I watched your video tonight after a week of eating off track and still not feeling satiated, and wanting to eat more. And also doing the “tomorrow” thing as I made brownies (vegan and a 1/2 batch) but brownies none the less, and knowing that I will eat all them. But your honesty will help be get back on track. Thank you and I am grateful for all you do and your creativity and kindness in all your post
This really spoke to me, I’ve been there, and still am at times.
You have no idea how timely your message is for me, facing the exact same food addiction struggles and failing to keep “on plan.” Because of your courage to speak and share your mental state, I no longer feel like I am going at this food adventure alone. I finally can quit torturing myself for my slip-ups and shake off the dust. Thank you profoundly for your video. You are an amazing person.
I can relate totally. I am a chocolate and sugar addict, just one little bit of a sweet chocolate dessert will get me wanting more and more. The desire doesn’t stop for days… but eventually, if I can resist, I am okay again, until the next bite. I am trying to own my chocolate addiction and be like a recovering alcoholic and not have even a bite. It’s way easier to resist more chocolates if you don’t take that first little bite. I do not tempt fate or myself, no chocolates in my house. Just my experience. Good luck with your struggle, you have been an amazing role model to many. Thank you.
You’re not a failure. You are human. I lost 35 pounds last year and slowly started gaining it all back around the dreaded holiday season. I’ve learned that I can’t eat sugar period. Once I start, I just can’t stop. It’s that addictive. I can’t have it in my house at all. I wish I could say I was one of those people who could have just one or maybe two peices of candy, but I’m not. I struggle every day, just like you. It’s really hard. All you can do is get back on track the next day and do the best you can. Xo
You have no idea how important this video and blog was for me today. I have lost 72 lbs since l started watching your channel and recently l have been slipping and l have regained 8 lbs! Everyone tells me how great l look and l still have 70 lbs to go (now 78 lbs)! The right message at the right time. I have been feeling so guilty and out of control. I thought there was something wrong with me and why couldn’t l just change my life like you did. The struggle is real and your sharing has given me a new hope that this is just a bump in the road and l CAN refocus. Thank you! Thank you!💝
Jessica,
The struggle is real for all of us. Please read The Pleasure Trap” by Dr. Allan Goldhammer and Dr. Doug Lisle. This book helped me so much!!
You were so courageous to bare your soul to us all. I’ve always told people that food is my drug of choice; it’s so hard. Allowing us to see your vulnerability is more motivating than one of Brian’s “tasty” recipes. I have been watching your channel for about a year, and this video has had the greatest motivating effect on me of all the others…and will for many others, I’m sure. From my heart, thank you.
Thank you for your video. I have never left a comment on line before but today I feel compelled. I have tried to start and stick with a healthy eating regime for 18 years. I too suffer with the whole “I’ll start tomorrow syndrome” and here I am 18 years on the same weight. In the last three years I have adopted a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She never sleeps and I have been binge eating sugar and fatty foods to alleviate my sheer exhaustion. However, you today have inspired me to finally START my journey. I’ll start if you don’t stop! I’m going downstairs to make porridge right now….. Thanks you a million times over. Love Liz xxxx
Hi Jessica! Love you no matter what! I am a member of overeaters anonymous! I haven’t been to a meeting for a loooong time. I don’t like admitting that I mess up! Who does?!! Also I have gained back weight that I am embarrassed about. However, Higher Power loves me anyway!! I forget that many people love me anyway! So glad you opened up! That’s the worst part is keeping it secret! Being human means being imperfect!! So glad you are talking cuz I need to own up to my faulty thinking and acting!! You and Brian are so encouraging to me! I love what you are doing!!
I fully understand what you’re going through. After watching the video and reading your blog post, I fully related to what you were saying. I know how hard the struggle is. In theory, having a big ‘battle plan’ sounds great. But in practice, powers come into play that you just cannot foresee. This is not your fault. I know that I can’t really say anything that will fix your situation. All we can do is try our best. I hope you can inspire yourself like you inspire others.
WOW. Thank you for sharing.
Bravoooo! Kudos to you Jessica for your courage! And kudos to Brian for giving the perfect response!
I hear you about struggling with binge eating.
A few thoughts that I have are: you could buy a ‘Kitchen safe’ which is a cookie jar with a time lock (no I do not have ties to the company!). Then you can at least lock away enticing foods until the cravings have passed.For now maybe just throw them in the trash… or give them away TODAY.
I know that cocoa does something to my brain, it gives a feeling of euphoria, so that might mess with one’s ability to think straight… maybe you can make a rule like never keeping any ‘trigger foods’ in your house. Or make other simple rules regarding how you’ll handle enticing foods that work for you.
You’ve learned and changed so much and learned to make and eat different foods. Now apparently it’s time to learn how to deal with ‘trigger foods’.
I can share the suggestions I got from two authors I really like..
Stanton Peele, expert on addiction recovery, has interesting things to say about this. Among other things, that it need not be so that you will completely yrelapse in your old behaviors. Just see this as a bump in the road that has not turned up so far and that you’ll learn to handle.
Another author I realy like is Kathryn Hansen who wrote ‘Brain over Binge’. She suggests you could look at the thoughts that tell you it’s okay to have this or that food… and see them as ‘babble’ from your lower brain, from your past, trying to trick you into repeating old behavors.. and decide to do your best to just ignore them, not fight them, not act on them, just acknowledge that you have those thoughts and feelings and then let it go… and at least delay acting on them if you feel you can’t ignore those urges to indulge completely. Realize that YOU have the power, not these old thoughts and conditoned impulses to overeat.
From Stressed to Blessed
I embrace your laughter
I embrace your smile
I embrace your pain
Know that I have your back today and all the while
Know that I feel your wondering
Know that I feel your lack
Know that I am ever close
And know that I have your back
Walk through this life you’ve chosen
And embrace the ups and downs
Remembering why you came here
And that I have your back and I’ll always be around
The choices you are making
Will lead you ever home
I’m sorry that you can feel so alone
Know that I have your back where ever you may roam
Your spirit is almighty
Built of sturdy stuff
I definitely have your back here
And I’m sure that that’s enough!
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with the food.
I too, am a food addict. There are some foods, when I eat them, one is to many and dozen is not enough. Usually those foods contain many or all of the following ingredients. Salt, sugar, and fat. They are my trigger foods.
I also, believe very much in the HALT principle which is an acronym for (Never get to hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.)
For me quite honestly, it’s not just about the food it’s about my feelings about the food.
As a fellow food addict I totally understand. I lost 85 pounds in 2009 -2010 and have struggled with maintenance every day since which is normal, every person who has lost weight will tell you that. It is a battle. As I have been watching your videos I have wondered if you have formulated a maintenance plan…this would help. I had one and stuck with it for 3 years and my weight remained stable. However backtracking, part of my journey included discovering why I became addicted to food going back to childhood and what I used food for in my present life including the excuses and mechanisms (I went to food for blessing and comfort instead of receiving it from God).Emotional eating is a huge part of it. Also. we need to find balance in all things, the strict diet needs to be slowly balanced to replacing weight loss with maintaining a healthy way of life that includes exercise, quality of life, etc. I am not as thin as I was when I reached my goal weight which I am struggling to return to, but I never went back to what I was because my eating behaviors truly changed. When I was truly repentant before God for endangering my life and my family’s life through overeating, I found power even from on high to resist over eating. I think that your admission to being a food addict is key, not everyone admits it. Keep up the good work and fight Jessica and Brian!
Thank you so much for posting this video. You are such a shining example of Doing The Work and Making Actual Change. We don’t have to do everything perfectly right away, but we do have to do things differently from how we reacted in the past.
I was reminded of a recent Statcey Flowers (youtuber on a debt free journey) about how she is close to reaching her “debt threshhold” and maybe you are reaching your “weight threshold” (does that have two or three h’s?). I have no idea if that will resonate with you but it’s the amount of debt she feels comfortable having and where she slipped back in to debt the last time she tried.
Anyways, I wanted to write actually because of how moving I found your story about your relationship and religion. I am a very spiritual person, raised in the church, and I have been getting more in touch with that part of myself lately. I am also single. Historically I have avoided dating people who identify as religious or go to church because I have not found a spriritual community that fits for me. But I do really admire all the relationships I see on youtube in which religion plays a part. Learning that you two make it work so well despite engaging with your faiths in different practices….it means so much to me. Thank you for sharing that part of your lives.
The struggle is real! Thanks for sharing. I think that the hardest part of transitioning to a WFPB lifestyle was sharing my choice with family and friends. Accountability is NOT always welcome or easy, but we would never “abandon” you. I hope that we can support you in a loving way.
Jessica, the shame is by far the worst part of binge eating for me. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to admit to 11,000 plus people that I hide in the bathroom at work to eat very non-vegan donuts then have to wait to see what they say. How can I be a role model when I fail? You are so very brave.
I watched it today, thankyou so much for being so brave to share your raw feelings. This is a tough time and will get better and then will get worse again. Maybe try for a plan of when things get worse, what helps you get through? Easy question to ask than answer, I feel. You have lots of support, but no pressure from me. Just support on your life challenges. Just a very overweight Australian who is cheering you on regardless. May, I ask a question. Not wishing to drain any reserves of energy you have at the moment. But, would you say since eating plant based that you are less sick or recovery more quickly from flu s etc? I think you answered this already on one of your videos, just can’t remember which one. Anyway, all the best. Thanks for sharing.
HI Jessica and Brian. Jessica, I just read this and it’s beautiful. Thank you for writing it. Here is what I posted on youtube:
Jessica, my name is Melissa. I am 53. This is the most honest, beautiful youtube video I have ever watched. You and Brian have such a beautiful relationship. I love that you are so supportive and loving and also accountable to each other. I totally relate to everything you said about the peanut butter cups. That really could be any food. You have so very honestly described the struggle for so many people, it’s what makes us human. It’a so hard to be “perfect” all the time. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and people have struggles. Alcoholics and drug addicts can obstain from their addictions, but food is necessary to live. That makes it all the harder. I just wanted to say how very very moved I was by your video. I am going to read the blog post now. You are an amazing person. I also am the kind of person that does not like to appear imperfect. I have lost and gained many times. I am in the gained area right now, trying to get back to the lost, but at 53, and a 50-60 hour a week office job, and life and kids and traffic, it’s so hard. It’s always a struggle. The fact that you said it, and posted your amazing honestly, truly shows your wonderful humanity. You GOT this!! You are amazing and you know that bumps in the road are inevitable and OK! I love you and Brian. You truly lucky to have each other as partners, who truly want nothing else but for each other to be happy, and healthy and there for each other. So….don’t beat yourself up for being human. Recognize it, and know that it’s beautiful and you can do anything. Thank you so much for posting this video!! Love the less produced, incredibly honest account of your feelings. Wish more people would allow themselves to be vulnerable in front of the world. It would make the world a better place. Thank you for sharing. You are amazing!! Just know that. You can do anything.
Melissa
Jessica, this was very difficult for you to share and your community is here for you. But this is NOT YOUR FAULT!! When you have a food addiction you have to keep your environment clean since that is under your control. You will never (sorry to say) be able to have just one or two a day. According to Chef AJ (an admitted food addict): “if it’s in your house, it’s in your mouth”. If you need professional help with this, set up an appointment with Dr. Doug Lisle at esteemdynamics.com. He will be able to help you with this. You’ve had an incredible journey. We are all pulling for you and Brian to continue on this path. You have so much going for you and are an inspiration to so many.
“My desire to keep eating even though I am not hungry.” This is the crux of my struggle, too. And I am not overcoming.
But trying still has my attention. Can you post the link to the sermon?
I commented on the video at length, but just wanted to thank you for sharing and keeping it real. I am encouraged by your vulnerability to put your little secret out there; by doing so, I believe that you are letting your light shine and you are not letting Satan get a foothold to turn you back. As Brian said, it took a lot of courage to be open about it, Be strong and Courageous, you are loved. Keep shining!!
Jessica, it took courage to announce you fell into the chocolate peanut combo hole favored by some many. You stood up, wiped your face, and now are ready to face those urges. We all fall at times. It is what is done afterwards that tells the story.
You got this.
Thank you, Jessica. I think a lot of us are in the same boat. I’ve been working on this for almost 5 years. First vegan, then realizing there is a food addiction component. Chef AJ and also Susan Peirce Thompson’s Bright Line Eating YouTube videos have helped me over the hump. You are so brave sharing your story!
Jessica, thank you for sharing. I have been following Susan Pierce Thompson, because she talks alot about the neuroscience of food addiction. She has the book Bright line Eating. It it the sugar and fat together that turn on something in our brain that make us binge on certain foods. I had to tell my son to hide the peanut butter, because I was eating it with vegan chocolate chips by the spoonfuls. My weight loss has stalled and I am frustrated also. Girlfriend I feel you!
I’m going through such a similar moment I really needed to see this video and read your blog post. I feel like I’m living this parallel life of super healthy and then alone I’m binge eating crap. I have told myself all the same things you have been telling yourself…tomorrow, just one more, prove I have the willpower, etc. I don’t have have the answers, but I am so grateful I’m not alone with food/sugar addiction. Strength in numbers. Thank you thank you thank you.
Jessica, been watching your shows for the past month. Very inspirational! I too am a WFPB’r and have battled the bulge since 9 years old. So I know how you feel. One of the things watching your videos I was frowning on. Veg fest that you went to. I also went to one out where I live and saw the horrible foods being offered. I was sickened by it. Nothing good at all. I saw that you and Brian “sampled” many obviously calorie dense foods. Fried foods, sauces etc. For some of us (me included) this doesn’t work having samples or eating foods that mirror what we are not supposed to eat. I tried what you did, moderation and what happened? It failed miserably. Moderation doesn’t work. Some of us just cannot ration high calorie foods. I sure cannot. I tried it when I was first WFPB over 20 years ago, was great for 3 yrs then felt isolated as back then no one I knew was WFPB. So I started slowly eating high caloric foods and guess what? All my weight came back on and even more than before. I was devastated and in a food eating spiral for the next decade. Dec 2017 I had had enough. It was a rough few years, I had suffered a near fatal car crash, the year after my father died then my mom died within 3 months of my dad. I ate my feelings. I started to gain even more the year of 2016. But since Dec 2917 it’s been an amazing weight loss again. I’ve been very strong and convicted in my eating. Then yesterday was an awful day. Kobe Bryant died and his daughter. We live close by to Kobe’s house and are huge fans of his, both as an athlete and a human being as he was extremely nice and a good person. My husband was so depressed as well as me, he wanted Veggie Grill which is vegan fast food (and one of my addictions to eat). For a meer moment I wanted to eat that food. I wanted a “chicken” sandwich and the fries, the nachos and briefly thought of that as I was so down and sad. Last minute going there, I told myself NO! I AM NOT EATING BADLY DUE TO ME BEING EMOTIONALLY UPSET! And I didn’t do it. And I was fine. I keep telling myself that I need to stop attaching bad food with feeling sad, or any celebration. On my birthday I told others no cake for me, the best gift I could give myself on my bday was health. And cake isn’t what my body needs.
My dear, it will always be an uphill battle for people like us. We will find ourselves thinking we are just like “normal” people but we are not. We are the kind that gains weight easy and are emotional eaters. I see thin people eat the worst junk at work every day. One of them I said I don’t know how you stay so thin! The lady said well, I may be thin but I have high cholesterol. At least I never had that myself, even when I was in the 200lbs. That I am grateful for.
Hang in there Jessica, don’t give up and if you slip and fall down, GET BACK UP! You can do it! Don’t let it defeat you. But you absolutely must clean your environment and not buy stuff that you cannot control in your house. Dr McDougall says, if it’s in your house, it’s in your mouth. Very true. Moderation has proven to not be a way to maintain weight loss. I do deal with some things in my home thanks to my hubby. There are certain things that I call “heroin foods” that cannot be in here as I will literally dream about it if it is. Chocolate cake is one, vegan of course, but I cannot have that here, ever. I lose all control so told him no more never bring in in here. I told him if you must, keep it in your car and eat it outside and don’t tell me! lol.
He got the point.
If you need an accountability partner let me know, I am here for you if you need an ear or feel weak again. I know your struggles and as you know, the hard part is the maintenance. I am currently at my idea weight, and that I just found out as I never got on a scale to see the #. Even at the doctors I told them don’t tell me and I would stand on the scale the other way so as not to see the #.
Take care and don’t beat yourself up! Not seen the video but thank you for being honest, both you and Brian. It’s refreshing and as you can see you have a lot of support from all the comments I see. Be strong!
Jessica, Thanks for sharing your struggle! We make a layered sweet potato pudding pie in a pre-baked low fat graham cracker crust alternating layers of carob and PB2/squash sweet potato puddings. Only 90% whole food, but very low fat, and satisfies the urge for Reeses cups! Know you’ll figure this out!!!
Best wishes, Jean
Wow Jessica. I and so many others relate to exactly how you are feeling. I am at a loss also knowing I don’t want to be a fanatic about my eating but also worried that when I have one I want more.Just like smoking which I stopped 30 years ago. We just can’t stop eating. I too find it hard to get back on track when I have slipped. It so helpful to know others struggle and feel the same as I do. I think there is a mental game at play here. Will power can not be continually counted on. There has to be a shift in the image of the person we are. We have to change our story to become the person who acts and enjoys being healthy by continually focusing on that person we want to become. Good luck to us all!
Hi Jessica. After reading your blog and listening to your video, I am impressed with your honesty, with Brian’s empathy and with your pastor’s courage and authenticity.
I can so much identify with your struggles, Jessica! I’ve lost 100 lbs. in the last three years with whole-food plant-based eating. Now close to goal weight, I’m terrified of putting it back on as I always have before. I no longer have the scale encouraging me the way it used to. I have to develop a new “identity” as a “maintainer” rather than a loser. I used to get a LOT of encouragement from people when I was trying to lose weight. Now I’m just “normal” at goal weight. Nothing to fuss about.
But I am DETERMINED that this is it. I’m eating this way for so much more than weight loss! I’m as determined as you and Brian are. This is for LIFE. I don’t bring off-plan foods into the house, because if I do, I know I’ll eat them. They call out my name. I know they’re there. I want my home to be a safe haven from temptation and stress.
We CAN do this, Jessica. When we make mistakes, we can learn from them and make better choices next time. Kudos to you for stopping a downward spiral so quickly and definitively! Wishing you well!
Jessica, been there done that so many times. When it comes to sweets I have come to realize The question isn’t should I eat a few chocolates? The question is should I start eating all there is with these few chocolates? Here is a Ted talk about the difference between the ease of being all-in on a decision 100% and only being 98% committed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj-91dMvQQo&t=9s Love you, you got this.
Thanks Jessica! I love that you are being real with us! I can relate to you so much! Keep filming and posting your journey with us. And your recipes! You both are an inspiration to me! I watch and save all of them and rewatch them often and has helped me enormously, I can’t even tell you how much. God has been nudging me to go vegan and brought me to you guys and I am so thankful!! Please don’t stop! God bless you both!!
Elizabeth, thank you for providing the link to the post. 100% is easier than 98%. I think that’s been my problem.
Hi Jessica
Chef AJ and Dr Doug Lisle; these two can help you.
I so needed to hear this today, I’ve been plant based a year now but not having results like others and have come to realize we must stop comparing ourselves to each other. Our journeys and our bodies are unique and wonderful with all the hills and valleys. My kryptonite is also peanut butter and chocolate! Sending hugs from Oregon. Thank you for sharing, it helped more than I can express.
Oh, Jessica, Brian’s a keeper. That’s for sure! But to address your discussion, this didn’t surprise me because it has happened to me and probably everyone else. It’s just natural instinct, to seek pleasure. Once in a while, my body craves something different in texture or taste and nothing else will do but what I have my eye on. Fat and sugar are so addictive and there’s no such thing as willpower. The best person I’ve seen explain this is Dr. Doug Lisle. He’s a psychiatrist at TrueNorth Health Center and works with John McDougall, too. See his video on The Pleasure Trap to explain what you’re going through: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX2btaDOBK8 (I’m not too big on fasting, though) or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciZ4zN60Lq4 (He addresses your issue at minute 59:12). He has a lot of webinars on the McDougall website. It’s so easy to go back to old habits even years later. It’s okay, you enjoyed it and it gave your taste buds a zing it was looking for. Consider it a treat. But you have one tool you didn’t have a couple years ago: knowledge of WFPB. Good luck!
You are not alone on the struggle bus! We each have patterns to overcome. I self sabotage when things seem stable- why?🤷🏻♀️. Currently journaling to keep the issue from getting lost in my mind. I think it must be better to have these things in the open. Please take care of yourself, and when you find yourself soothing with food, give yourself a little space to be human. Talking to Brian is a smart idea, and sharing with us is so brave and generous.
Just as our relationship to food changes, your allowed to have a different relationship to church and God than Brian too. I’m baffled at why anyone would place an expectation on someone’s spiritual life. Like many facets of life, it’s deeply personal and subject to change over the course of life.
Hang in there, please. Awareness is power, and I think you have lots of people who care for you.
Love to Peef, who seems to be relaxing amongst the bananas.
I love you Jess! You are a strong and beautiful lady. You can manage this situation. You are my example and guide. Well, Booth of you are. I love chocolates and cheese , and many times I have eaten a bounch and in a hurry and hiden, so nobody noticie that there si no more cheese that we have just bought. Keep fighting it is no easy but you can. We can do it! We are in the same life style path 💕WFBP💕 sorry for my poor English. I am sure you can get it
Dear Jessica I was scared to watch your latest video as I guessed from the title what it was going to be about and I have been there SO MANY times. I felt the fear and watched and you would not believe how much you have helped me, THANK YOU. I am 65yrs and all my life I have used food as my emotional crutch in happy and sad times and everything in between. My weight has gone up and down more times than I can remember, 3 years ago I lost 84lbs bringing me down to 154lbs. I managed to keep this off for a year longer than I have kept weight off before. Then I put on a couple of pounds and I’ll get it off next week, then 7lbs and I’ll start on Sunday…. you know the story. Now in 1yr I’m 28lbs heavier and every morning I’ll start today. In the last year I became a plant based vegan after watching your videos, such inspiration. But for various emotional reasons I will do it… and bread, chocolate have stopped me and I have not been perfect. I should have learnt my lessons as I had to retire from teaching from teaching 10 years early because I did not consider good enough. Sorry I have rambled on, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and how much you have helped me since I started watching you. But most of all today’s video has let me know that I am not alone that someone else has off moments. I admire your courage in telling everyone and was really touched by the love that was clear for everyone to see between you and Brian. THANK YOU for showing me that’s it’s the courage to admit to yourself that you have taken a wrong path and need a slight change of course. It’s the courage to keep going and change path when needed that will get us there. Much love and thanks to you and Brian. xx
Dear Jessica and Brian, Thanks SO MUCH for sharing this moment in your adventure (Sunday morning’s “Struggle to Stay on Track”) with us so honestly. It was really helpful to me. So many times in the last couple of months I’ve lost my grasp on living WFPB, and with that lost grasp I have seen the scale start to creep back up, and that is so scary and overwhelming. I have lost over 90 lbs and have at least that much yet to go. My health is improving, and I know it’s essential to continue down this path, but even after this much progress I can stall and resume old habits. Several times during these last couple of months I chided myself, thinking “I wish I was all-in like Jessica and Brian are”. It was helpful to realize that even when new, healthy habits are deeply ingrained and even with strong internal and external support (like you are with each other, your families and your online community), the journey can be overwhelming. The struggle is real.
I’d also like to say thanks, Brian, for what you shared in your Thanksgiving video about the role your church and the band play in your life. I really celebrated that you felt comfortable enough with your online community to share that with us. It does so much to explain the warm, caring, loving person you are!
You guys are awesome. Keep up the good work. And thanks for keeping it real.
Hi Jessica, thank you for your honesty. Please girl don’t be disappointed in yourself. You kick ass every day (pardon my French), I admire you and yes nobody’s perfect and that’s OK it makes you human. Someone told me once that even a Samaurai can drop on his knees once in while it doesn’t make him weak just humbled. So pick yourself up and dust yourself off because girl I need you in my life to inspire me and continue with my own journey. There is no way you’re going to gain this weight back you’ve worked too hard. I am behind you a 100% all my thoughts are with you to give you strength and get you through this rough patch. Nobody’s judging, we’ve all been there trust me. Love you 🙂
Hi Jessica and Brian,
I’ve only just discovered your videos on youtube, and hopping around watching out of sequence, I’ve been marveling at the complete transformation you have achieved—and I thought you must have superpowers to be able to leave a lifetime of habits behind—all the emotional connections between food and behavior. I thought that my husband and I would never be able to approach your level of success. Hearing Jessica today speak of the ongoing struggle made me admire you even more, because I see that it isn’t a hurdle you’ve cleared and it’s behind you—you have to keep fighting the fight, even though you’ve come so far.
My admiration is intensified, and I believe a little bit more that what you have accomplished might be within the range of possibility for us. So I’m encouraged!
Thank you for having such courage and compassion and humility, and thanks too, for the beautiful example of marriage you present.
Embrace that person you are ashamed of and tell her you love her and she’s worthy of acceptance. This story is so real and connects to me on so many levels. Your courageous and strong, keep sharing because you just made a difference for me. Sending you lots of love and peace.
Jessica. Thank you for your story. I don’t usually comment on posts, but I caught your video just after you posted it and it brought me to tears. I feel you. I gained and lost a few times now as well. I look for patterns and for me, I know at least two times the exact moment I slipped (mentally). They came with random comments of a stranger in one case and an acquaintance in another. Comments not meant to cause harm but that caused me to want to run and hide as I was beginning to bring attention to myself in a way that felt uncomfortable. You know, it triggered childhood stuff. I’ll spare you the details. We all have our stories.
Also, I feel the same way about my husband too. He just wants me to be happy. He doesn’t have weight issues since he was always too thin. We are not on the same page with food choices. However, you give me the courage though to share with him exactly how he can help me. Communication is huge.
I don’t have answers as I am still working on it. I am exploring your way of eating although I was taken aback by the no oil feature. I think for me, I am a bit more satisfied with a little more oil. Baby steps I guess.
Thank you for being so honest and open in a public way. It helps me grapple with my issues and puts them into context. We are not alone. Don’t give up. I enjoy following your videos.
Jessica – you’ve got this. I can hear the fear that despite all the wonderful changes you’ve made in your life, that this tiny lapse into old habits has you worried that you haven’t really changed or will or can never change.
But your vulnerability and courage in writing this blog and making the video demonstrates how much you have changed. The comments on the video also show the tremendous impact that you have on other and shows that you are not alone. The biggest change is your knowledge that none of us can get through the hard things in life alone and your willingness to ask for help.
Geneenroth.com posted this today You are not your past, not your habit, not your compulsions. When you get to know who you are, anything is possible.
I would also add you are not your fears or your guilt…..
You’ve got this
Jessica, this really got me choked up. I love you guys so much, I have followed you both for about 8 months of my 12 months since going plant based, I love how real you guys are, quirky, geeky, funny, etc. I’d love to just hang out with ya’ll, so to see you hurting is like seeing a friend hurting and I just wanted to hug you so bad. It really took A LOT of courage to go ahead and upload the video for us to see because you didn’t have too, that should be a real testament to your strength to share something so personal.
I too have a sugar addiction, I think I’ve always know it but didn’t admit it until I was a few months in to my Plant Based journey last year. I thought giving up meat, dairy, cheese etc. would be the hardest but I don’t miss them at all. I have not had a binge but I have dabbled in some stupid Oreo cookies that my bf brought in to the house, I stayed away from them for like a week then had to get “1” then 2, then 3 then was like OMG STOP!
I simply cannot even have that stuff in my house, I do not have the will power if it’s in the pantry, I do OK avoiding sweets at social events but if I paid for it then I don’t want to wast my money so I WILL eventually eat it. Uggggg, I hate that.
So that being said, I weigh in every Monday and this morning I gained and I was SO UPSET basically because I have followed my Plant Based lifestyle like normal, but we are coming off our 4th Mary’s Mini in which I dropped 5 lbs and was so excited, so all last week I cooked all our favorite “Plant Based” stuff but think I had too many pasta dishes, too many recipes with whole wheat flour, started having too much salt again etc. so I just have to be really strict until I finish losing all my weight. But it’s still frustrating and I wanted to cry.
So my BF is out of town this week and my plan is to track what I eat, be accountable to my friends like you did as to what happened to cause my gain and also read a book I bought 8 months ago and never picked up “The Pleasure Trap” by Douglas Lisle. I should have read it when I got it due to my addiction to “Sugar” but I didn’t. I also started my day like Chef AJ suggests by eating 1 lb of non starchy vegetables “Broccoli” it was not great because my mind says breakfast must be sweet so I usually have oatmeal, but I will still have my oatmeal later.
Jessica, you are human and we cannot beat ourselves up when we are not perfect, but if you have any of the peanut butter cups left my suggestion is have a “talk” with the bag over the trash can, tell it what it does to you and that your not going to let it control you any longer and that it’s NOT welcome in your house. Sounds dumb I know but it may be just what you need. Then walk off with your beautiful head high and have a fantastic day because you are worth it.
Rinda
I completely understand. I have done this type of thing my entire life and in fact, bought a bag of those Justins mini pb cups this weekend, they were gone in less than 24 hours. I have been “tomorrowing” myself through my entire adult life also. I don’t know what the answer is, but if you figure it out, please let the rest of us know too.
Dear Jessica,
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been struggling sooo much with my food addiction. I cried and had to watch your video twice! What you shared helped comfort and strengthen me. I can totally relate to eating tons of food when I’m not hungry. I’ve been eating brown rice rice cakes to curb my overwhelming desire to chew. Christmas was hard with seeing so many treats (especially chocolate). I’ve been sneaking chocolate chips, so the rice cakes were to help me calm down. I know there is something going on in my head about it, but I still have to figure it out. Now I’m rambling. I just want you to know that your courage in sharing helped me to feel normal, and showed me that my addiction is my enemy, not me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Please keep my identity a secret. You’re welcome to share what I said though if you want to. It’s not why I wrote, though. Thanks again.
Dear Jessica,
It’s me again. I just wanted to add that part of my struggle is that my husband won’t join me on WFPB. He’s very heavy (5’10” and 308lbs.) I was 200 lbs. at 5′ and lost 25 pounds. I feel like if I can be successful at losing weight he will be more interested in trying it too. Anyways, just trying to be honest. [insert thumbs up emoji here] Thanks again.
OMG – you really “got me” when you said that you and Brian aren’t enough to hold each other accountable. I have been on a similar journey the last 6 months and lately, my girlfriend and I have “allowed” each other to get dessert while out to dinner. We want each other to be happy and that strive to make each other happy also means that sometimes we aren’t the right ones to be each others accountability partner… It is too easy to enable each other when your accountability partner is also your lover and your best friend. THANK YOU so much for sharing this today! Brian, give that lady a hug from me… You both are amazing!
Hey guys great video and blog. Thanks for risking being honest Jessica. I absolutely personally identified with what you shared. Do you feel like the pull to snack or eat outside of your plan has diminished since you were open to Brian and your audience? I feel like doing this journey in isolation is so much more difficult than in a community where you can be real.
Hey Jessica,
Please don’t feel that we will abandon you! We care about your success and know that everyone struggles. I had the experience, years ago, of being on a strict diet and losing a lot of weight. I reached my goal weight. Then we went on vacation. Away for my food routine and in the mood for “treats” I allowed myself food that wasn’t on my plan. I planned to resume my diet when I returned home. It never happened. I could not do it. Years later, after reading The Pleasure Trap I understood why. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend that you do. It freed me from thinking that I was a failure and gave me the information that I needed to be successful. You can do it too, Jessica. Hang in there.
Today’s video is one of the most important ones yet! We followers need to know about your struggles–not just your successes– so that we know that we’re not the only ones who struggle.
It makes perfect sense to me that interruptions in your daily schedule (a trip to Europe, the holidays, your trip with your Mom) throw your focus on food discipline off–and I’d be surprised if it didn’t. And what to do when everybody thinks you’ve already succeeded?
Food addiction is a big problem for many people. You and Brian have shared many things with us, but today you’ve been especially honest and very generous, and your story will help so many of us. It reminds us that when we need help we too can lean on this community.
And for me, the timing was perfect. I have been playing the Tomorrow Fantasy Game for about three days!
So Thank You Jessica.
Sometimes you don’t know you needed to hear this, until you do. Thank you for sharing! 💜
THIS was your moment to share your story and ‘Come out of the closet’ with something we all fear will happen when we see the warning signs of old behaviors that lead us into trouble with our food addictions. You are now recognizing the same path from your earlier behaviors and are now changing that old path to a new direction by including those who support you and will be there to hold you accountable, but even more than that, KNOW that you are not alone in this struggle, and KNOW that this struggle is real. We often ‘go unconscious’ when we start to eat when we are not even hungry and you are now eating from a place of conscious eating and it feels uncomfortable and very different from before. This is the true growth of your inner soul. We know IT IS NOT ABOUT THE FOOD! You have done everything right. You have recognized the problem you are having and recognizing the warning signs that have failed you in the past. You are aware of your behaviors and now you can deal with changing them. You can clean out the house of all temptations and NOT have things around you that will PROVE you are not a food addict. When you see an alcoholic take ‘just one drink’ you KNOW he is only fooling himself and that is the beginning of the end of his sobriety. I am so proud of you for addressing this issue with all of us and you will never know how many lives you have touched by being REAL and telling your story. THANK YOU SO MUCH, JESSICA! You help heal the world…..one TRUTH at a time….love you!
Jessica. Ok commented on the YouTube video as well but I felt the need to let you know that I undertake and it’s not something you your fear. The fear is what holds us back. I too am fearful as I sit here writing to you, crying because I’m in the same situation. I dont want to wait and start later. I need to start now!…
Hi Jessica,
You don’t know me, but I have been enjoying the videos you and Brian have been making (found them a month or so ago when I was looking for support with shifting into whole food, plant based eating) and I have been making it my mission lately to tell people how much they matter (even when I don’t know them). You, your words and this most recent video matter SO much more than you may ever know, purely because of how you have been so brave to share your experience and normalize and destigmatize something that SO many people also experience but we don’t talk about because of the shame/vulnerability it brings up. I am a mental health therapist who spends tons of time normalizing these types of things with people because *I* have experienced them myself as well and I know now that once we get over the initial ‘vulnerability hangover’ of stating it all out loud, it always feels better to have expressed it, especially with a community of people who 1. admire and support you and 2. needed to hear this for ourselves today, too. I don’t know if you have read any of Brene Brown’s work, but I think you would enjoy it-I took the words ‘vulnerability hangover’ directly from her second famous TED talk. Here are links to the two TED talks: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/up-next?language=en and https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/up-next?language=en Have a wonderful day! ☀️
Thank you for sharing, Jessica. I was a skinny college and professional athlete who transformed into an obese smoker sitting behind a desk. But then I transformed into a skinny non-smoking marathon runner who got back to my “playing” weight for a couple of years. And although I didn’t gain all of the 100 pounds back that I had lost, I did gain about 70 back before I started my WFPB journey (adventure) last June. As of this morning, I’ve lost 17.3 pounds (and you know the 0.3 is important) since June, but I’ve had my ups and downs in this period as well.
In short, you are not alone, and I’m certain that there are thousands of us out here who are behind you, who are rooting for you, and who can truly identify with what you shared here and in your video.
I’m so thankful for you and Brian and for your YouTube videos because they came along right around the time I decided to move to a WFPB lifestyle and get off the Weight Watchers / South Beach / “Insert Diet Name Here” train. The results are slow and steady, but I appreciate that part of my adventure is checking in on the two of you once or twice a week. I used to check in for the recipes, but now I’m happy just to get some updates from the adventure on which you both have embarked.
Oh, and I understand the pressure to put yourself out there and thus create accountability. I wrote blog posts throughout my weight loss journey, and the support from the twelve people reading them and from my Facebook friends are a reason why I was able to get back on (and stay on) a healthier path. I’ve linked to my very inactive (as in many years since my last post) blog below. It’s a story with which we who struggle with weight are very familiar.
I think we all need accountability partners beyond our spouses and immediate families. My wife (Michelle) always tells me that I’m just perfect the way I am (no matter what I am); and that’s all well, good, and sweet…but it’s not always what’s healthiest for me.
Sorry for the long message (I was an English major), but I want to thank you again for your sincerity, for your willingness to share with Brian and the rest of us, and for your strength that comes from vulnerability. LIke yourself, I am not particular religious, but I feel blessed to have come across the Krocks in the Kitchen and am truly thankful that you two show up on my screen a couple of times a week.
PS: Oh, and by the way, my biggest client is located in St Louis, so the next time I’m in town, I’ll be sure to ask about some of the better WFPB options in the neighborhood!
Jessica. I cried when I saw the video, and I read the blog just now. You have done exactly the right thing, admitting you are human, and putting it out there for accountability. I have felt the same way and you have given me so much inspiration. Just so that you know who your community IS, just realize that you and Brian have created us, your community, by being who you are, and attracting those that draw inspiration for you both. Are you a FAILURE? Gosh, absolutely not…the complete opposite. We all have our weak moments because we are human. Hopefully, we as “your” community can rise to the challenge to inspire YOU to pick up where you left off, and carry on with your head held high. You two are amazing people, kind, loving, honest, and human!💕
Jessica thank you so much for sharing your struggles! I have been there many times and hate myself every time. I always say tomorrow I will start fresh but now here I am 64 and running low on tomorrow’s! I am working on being WFPB and it’s a struggle but I’m doing pretty good right now. My husband must have his meat and his ice cream and cookies every evening so I struggle with that….he has never had a weight problem so it’s not fair if I ask him to change.
I work from home and watch YouTube videos while I work from you and nutmeg Notebook and a few others which really help me keep my head in the right place but it really does help to know you arent perfect and struggle also!!! Sweets are my downfall also!!!
Again Thank you for sharing!
Jessica, you are very courageous! Coming forth to all of us. Please check out Dr Doug Lisle’s videos on exactly why we cannot have these foods in our home. When you spoke about the Pastor that had alcohol addiction, remember, would he be able to now have a sip or two of booze every once in awhile? Would that addiction come rear it’s ugly head again? YES! This is why we cannot have a bit of this or that that is not compliant. An alcoholic cannot have even the slightest sip of alcohol. Just like a food addict cannot just have a few peanut butter cups. We have to continue making it a habit to NOT eat these foods. They will sabotage us in the end. Please remember that. Now get up and continue with the program. You can do it and you have a wonderful man to be there to support you too! Much love to you both!
I was watching Well Your World YouTuber Dillon Holmes and have read other WFPB sites and this is what I have come away with about will power and keeping on the plan. Even the WFPB gurus fall off the apple crate or cheat sometimes. The lesson there is to not beat yourself up and obsess about not being 100% compliant every minute of the day. The strategy is to say, okay, I backslid a little bit. Own it and move on. You will be better tomorrow. Going off the plan once in a while is not going to cancel out everything you have already accomplished. Just pick yourself up and say to yourself, I will do better tomorrow and be compliant. The next time you have a craving for something not on the plan, you can say to yourself, not today. I actually eat a lot of grapes to replace sweets. They are nature’s candy.
Thank you so much for this video. You told your truth but In fact it was my truth as well.
I cannot imagine anyone who follows you didn’t relate to this post .
I am proud of you for being so honest. I appreciate the two of you sharing your journey with me. If we have set backs we can start all over again with our next meal.
Sending you love 💓
I just watched the TedTalk. It was quite inspiring. I’ve been struggling, too, but this time i’ve been more thoughtful and calm about it, not allowing the inner voices to veer into negative scripts.
And then I came to my sister’s house where I am cooking Brian’s chili and his black bean soup. Since my sister is vegetarian, I thought this would ensure that i stayed on track. No, she offered me ice cream, and I succumbed. The scale was kind, so I figured I was okay for now. But I’m going to be moving in with her (her husband passed away recently and my family is close). This is an important video for me.
My husband and I were both raised Catholic. Him more so than myself. When we met, religion didn’t play any part in our lives. My husband started going back a while back and goes to church “religiously.” I do not. Someone asked me if that was weird. “Nope.” You don’t have to act on the expectations of other people. That’s them. You’re you. If other people have a problem with it, that’s on them.
Thank you for sharing Jessica. It’s so hard to define happy and content especially for perfectionists. We enjoy the challenge but don’t always have solutions. Double edged sword. Please trust you have so many who love you and are ready to uplift you. We have no choice but to take life one day at a time. No shame, my sister I never thought I would journal and technically I still don’t but I do take time each day to reflect. Today I am grateful for… What challenged me today? What did I learn today? What went well today? What can I do better tomorrow? (It’s ok if that one is on repeat)
Sorry. I’m New to commenting on youtube, but have been watching both of you for months. I’m not sure my comment made it clear that my heart went out to you, Jessica. I’m with you 100%.
Thank you for sharing the not so acknowledged chapters of weight loss- stagnancy, “sneaking,” plateauing, etc. Coincidentally, I’ve added a few pounds after the holidays and binge ate lots of sugary treats, also after thinking, “oh I’ll just have one serving.” I have a problem with food and stress, boredom eating, and your video was a wake up call.
You’re helping yourself and inspiring a lot of folks and you’re also human. We’re in this together!
THANK YOU Jessica, for being real and courageous. It’s the “getting back up” that is important, isn’t it? You took such a loving step to share. I BELIEVE you can press ahead with victory. And I WILL believe I can, too. And we can stop compromising. The focus on the reality of addiction is key. I keep forgetting that and thinking I can have a normal relationship with food. I am an addict. Thanks for reminding me by your own transparency of the true danger. And, I love how Brian loves you and supports you. Let’s have HOPE. I believe, with our friends help, with God’s help, we can overcome.
Jessica Jessica! I have been eating plant based for 20 years and still go thru the same things you describe. It is total food addiction which most of us suffer from. It’s amazing how our brain takes over. It just takes over… even for me, after all these years…MAINLY…please do not bring food into the house that you will binge on. As Chef AJ says IF IT’S IN YOUR HOUSE, IT’s IN YOUR MOUTH. and that’s that. we cannot rely on will power. Jump back on the band wagon ASAP. Everything will be back to normal as I know you desire to eat this way and be healthy. Keep up the good work and THANKS for SHARING. Again, many of us are all in the same boat.
Jessica big squeeze hugs and kisses all over your face girl!!! My hubby and I are just starting our journey and I searched for hours on youtube for people to follow. You 2 were the only ones the I thought were true and authentic! My hubby and I served in the Air Force. I was honorably discharged due my PTSD. I was devastated to be let go. My child dream was to serve my country and I felt like I had failed my country and family. Food became my drug of choice. Daily while they where all gone to work and school I would eat 2 large size value meals and either a pint or half gallon of ice cream every day. I would hide my trash in the bin outside. We were a busy family and ate out all the time so and not being in the AF working out my weight gain was easy to explain. They had no idea how much food I was really eating. I gained 200lbs in a year. It for sure takes a lot longer to come off. I was on a roller coaster of diets for 2 yrs. I did keto 2 yrs ago lost 60 lbs kept it off for a yrs. Now starting WFPB been on it for a week and 1/2 did my research first like you said ahahhahahaha loving it ahhahahaha
You guys keep staying true!!! This isnt easy! We all struggle!! You showing that makes me love yas even more!!!
I really needed to hear this message today. I’ve been stalled in my weight loss for a couple months now, due to the same issue. It’s so hard! I keep telling myself that I just need to eliminate certain foods all together, but it’s so painful. It is also painful, that even though I’ve lost 100 pounds, I still have 70 more to lose. Often I have to “weigh” which is more painful. Honestly, some days the food wins. The choices I make now are still so much better than they used to be though. I get resentful that I still have to “give up” more, but my body just doesn’t drop weight easily. My struggle is honey in my tea, dense treats like banana, oatmeal, vegan chocolate chip cookie to often, and to many nut based sauces. I know I’d start losing again if I sent those things to the curb. Maybe soy curls and tofu too. They are all just to calorie dense for me. I so want to get this right. Any way, thank you so much for being honest with us, it’s SO relatable, and Brian handled this so well. You guys are such a great team! Thank you, thank you! <3
WOW!! Jessica you are speaking to me. I made the huge mistake of going to eat bad Chinese after The Rise of Skywalker on Christmas day so initially it was just food and way worse than your chocolate issues and now it is wine as well. I know that the manana stuff we do is poison but I’ve been doing it now for 33 days. For me being probably 3x your age eating wrong also means PAIN as it triggers arthritis that I have in my spine, neck, hands and both knees. I just personally can’t have any of it in the house so that is my hope that today I will clean out the fridge and pantry and get back to basics. I do Starch Solution so it helps that when I am compliant cravings go way, way down to zero. But you and I both know that the “testing myself” times are the real devil here. You deserve to be healthy, happy and mobile Jessica!
I’m so glad Jessica that you filmed the conversation with Brian. I hope eventually you will feel good about it too. If it doesn’t help you to have filmed it please know that it help me!
Thank you Jessica for sharing your struggle,you both are so inspiring,its hard I’ve been where you are and am there now,yes tomorrow never seems to come,I love watching you too and the love you have for each other! You’ve got this,throw out any left over candy I just go about your next meal like you have been,thanks for your honesty.
Jessica,
I learned a long time ago that we are only as sick as our secrets. Recovery from food addition is a journey NOT a destination. I am happy you felt safe enough to verbalize your humanness?sp? to Brian and vlog. So stand up, dust off, chest out and chin up. Read a page a day out of the children’s book “Dear girl”. I opened up a page for you today. It read “Dear girl-Listen to your brave side”.
Okay Jessica, I watched your video and felt I needed to be real with you. First off I just wanted to say THANK you for being transparent. I am a 55yr old woman who has struggled with weight since 12yr old. Yes i have reach goal weight multiple times but never could i admit I was a food addict even my husband didnt know. Until I gave my life over to the LORD 4 years ago. I finally became free by telling my husband my struggle. I love that Brian’s first response was He loves you. I am where you are having the struggle. I came across your you tube awhile ago, I am so scared to try whole plant living. Because I dont want to fail again. But after your video you have given me courage. You spoke to many of us. I will be praying for you, Brian and myself. Hugs sweet girl.
After years of yo-yoing, I think I have finally found a lifestyle that I can follow and enjoy. I am only a month into WFPB so I’m a real newbie and I love following you and Brian. Thank you for all your real and relatable content. BUT what I wanted to address here is Jessica’s fear of gaining back the weight. It is a real and horrible feeling becuase it CAN happen. Keeping weight off is so difficult, even with a wonderful plan like WFPB. So congrats on opening up to us. I know that was hard. Please.dont be ashamed. As someone who has lost and gained throughout the 58 years of my life, know that it’s ok not to be perfect. Don’t let your anxiety win. We all stumble. It is picking yourself back up that matters.
I was already blown away by Jessica’s honesty, and then to see you reply stating that we are only as sick as our secrets has me buoyed. I feel empowered to get out of this rut I’ve been in for months of having a few good days and then a day where I get stuck eating out and make a poor choice which sends me spiraling.
Thank you, and everyone else here, for your words. Let’s keep going!
Dear Jessica,
thanks so much for this post and that open and raw video! You are such an amazing woman and inspiration! I had a really long comment, but I cannot properly express right now what this means to me, so I’ll just say this: this video came 100% at the right time for me! I, too, am battling with my food addiction and it is particularly tough right now. But knowing I am not alone and knowing that we (the wonderful krocks community) can support each other and be there for each other really helps! Thank you so, so much and sending you lots of love and support!
Jessica and Bryan, so thankful for this video. It was probably your best one yet! You have shown what it is to be human and what life struggles are.
Bryan, I am so blessed by your portion, your love for your wife and how you handled the conversation that you knew nothing of.
Your love for your wife is so evident! I will pray for both of you. Maybe God will lead me to pray for God to show himself to Jessica in a more personal way. Jesus longs to be our best friend with all of the ups and downs.
God bless you both in your journey together and with God.
Ann from Ontario Canada
Oh Jessica, I can totally relate ! You’ve been so brave. Sharing this was a victory. You should look into the pleasure trap. There is a book and some lectures on youtube on this and it really helped me a lot understanding how our mind works. I hope it will help you on your journey ! Keep doing the next right thing and you’ll be fine 🙂
Is it possible to get a link to your pastor’s sermon? I could really use this right now. Thanks you!
Jessica,
I am so thankful that you shared this personal thought/behavior problem with everyone. I am not a person who reads many blogs nor am I a very emotional person (meaning other peoples struggles don’t normally have an ‘effect’ on me per say). This video and post though has impacted me in ways that I cannot put into words. I 100% understand where you are coming from and I am so glad that you shared this. I believe that it will be healing for you and it definitely will help others who may not realize that they are not alone. I am rambling now, but I just want to tell you how much this has helped me today.
Jessica,
I just started following your journey a few weeks ago and absolutely love how “real” you are about the whole thing! I also tried vegan for 6 months last year, but due to many digestive issues I got very bored with my limited menu. You’re not the only one with the issue of chocolate cravings and food being brought into the workplace. I buy SMALL amounts of chocolate and leave it upstairs and make myself hike up for each little bit if I want some and I keep small amounts at work as a way to help avoid eating worse foods and allow me to enjoy a treat with the others. The other thing I tried was a magnesium supplement which took away my cravings until I had a VERY stressful time at work. My other problem is I mistake thirst for hunger so I snack too often.
I have a couple of thoughts and ideas you might consider. Even though you enjoy having Sunday mornings to yourself, maybe deep down you are lonely or bored – especially since you don’t get together with your mom as often. You also mentioned how you were going to be busy at work after returning from England so stress certainly is a factor. Maybe you could ask a friend to help hold you accountable? No mater what – you are NOT a failure! I admire how you and your husband work together on this journey.
I have been thinking about you all day, since I watched your video and read your blog post. I think when we do things we are puzzled about, that make us feel out of control, it is probably because we are stressed about something. Learning when to recognize that we are stressed and how to take care of ourselves effectively is a process that can take a very long time. All I know now about that (and I have had a lot of practice dealing with stress) is that using food to help deal with stress or anything that doesn’t leave me feeling much improved will only add to my stress. This is what reading Geneen Roth has taught me that when I want to eat and I am not hungry, there is probably something else going on I am trying to medicate. If you look for what that is, you might not need your peanut butter cups, except when you are hungry and really want one. Then you will be able to eat just enough and not too much. Of course, this takes practice and patience, but I think we are all worth the effort. You have successfully conquered weight loss, now, maybe it is time to figure out what caused you to use food for something other than nutrition, in the first place. That sounds a lot like anxiety. I can relate. So, maybe it is time to figure out why we are anxious. I know you are working on that. I believe that is time well spent. You are still on the right track because you are letting the light shine on what you are trying to improve and that is the best thing to do. I am so proud of you Jessica. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing, even the struggles. This makes me want to work on mine even harder.
You don’t know how much impact this video had. I applaud you for having the courage to put it out there. Please read Charles Durhiggs book about habits. It helped me to at least be kinder to myself by understanding what is going on in my brain. It is going to be a life long struggle but your video is going to help me get out of my stuck place. Best wishes to you as you work through this time.
OMG, you’re human? I don’t mean to speak lightly of your struggle of course. Perhaps all the traveling has gotten you off your course, decision overload. I believe in the two of you being successful like I believe the sun will rise in the morning. I thank you for your courage and honesty and it’s motivational for me to watch two such amazing young people being so successful in what is an extremely difficult journey to be healthy. Remember your “why”, be compassionate with yourself, and move on. Just like your comments about the pastor, you are better able to help all of us because of the struggle that we probably all share. Take the next step, I look forward to seeing you triumph, do not underestimate the strength you have that got you to this point, it’s all in you kiddo.
Just watched the video…. I’m following along and all of the sudden you start talking about the mental tricks and rationalizations your mind goes into and I started to cry. Then you told the truth of what you’ve been struugling with and my heart breaks. This is where I’m at so often and its scary as hell. In certain ways those moments never disappear, I too am a recovery food addict although as a thin person no one believes it. But the progress you’ve made and the courage you’ve shown is exactly what will keep you from going back. You’re so brave and a great inspiration. Thank you Jessica, hang tight sister!
Jessica, what a brave thing you did confiding in those of us who follow you and Brian. I have been vegan for 14 years, but not whole food plant based. I have also had issues with food addiction my entire 64 years. Seeing how well you and Brian have done on a WFPB food plan has made me wish to change my food style to what you follow. Being diabetic, I can’t follow 2 weeks of just potatoes, however, I don’t feel the need to do that to begin the food plan. I love how you eat fruit for breakfast, Jessica, and the giant salad for dinner. I have done the hummus for salad dressing-yummy! Anyway, I can’t start until the 3rd when I get my check. Looking forward to a new beginning. You and Brian are such a sweet couple. You have touched many of us who follow you, and I want to thank you and Brian for all that you do for the rest of us who are just starting out on our weight loss adventure.
Dear Jessica,
Most of us relate. I’ve nothing new to offer that you don’t already know or hasn’t already been said. Sending my support.
I have been on that same slippery slope since the holidays. Been making maple pecans for everyone, including me! Sugar is my addiction…and thanks to you, sweet friend, I’m relearning this yet again. Back to those huge healthy salads first and healthy carbs second and water. I am resetting to the best way to eat on the planet. And I thank you for underscoring that by your example. The Krocks were the first support system I had. Smart, funny, down-to-earth people who were knocking it out of the park. And you’re human. I love that most! And we know what works for us. How lucky is that! We got your back. Now, SHINE ✨☺️✨
Amen to all that above. And Jessica and Brian, thank you for having done this video and then continued on to post it! I fell off several weeks ago… so disappointed in myself. And I actually thought of you two… that I wasn’t “like you”… I wasn’t “doing it!”
I don’t have a happy ending answer (either). Just we are human – and we are weak. I am reasonably happy with what I’m doing right now… and see that I can get back… I guess that’s the important think. Yes, we definitely are addicts (read my Nurse Jackie note!).
And, yeah, that “tomorrow” thing’s got to be contained… what about tonight: “I’m going to get back this evening!!” Again, thank you for the post and you are a stand-up girl (woman), Jessica. I appreciate it. Y’all are amazing.
I fell off the wagon too. I was so disappointed with myself and then tried to justify what had happened in my mind but still felt so low about it. There is a quilting get together once a month for 3-days (we go home every night). We’ve always gone to lunch across the street at either the bar or the cafe. Well, I gave myself permission to indulge – after all it’s only 3 days out of the month, so I’m sticking to it 90% of the time RIGHT? Well, once off, it was really difficult to get back on. Still struggling and the next 3 day get together is coming up. YIKES!
It sounds to me like you should reinstate your lunches with your mum. Maybe comfort from your mum can help replace the comfort you are looking to get from peanut butter cups. It is so hard for those of us who have used food as a crutch for years.
Jessica- you are NOT a failure! You are human and you slipped for a moment. It is not the end of the world. My husband used to say “acknowledge and move on”. Food addiction is sooo hard to deal with because you ‘have to eat’! We are all here for you and support you 100%. We 💜 you! You can get through this!
Hi Jessica,
I sent a message this morning that I unfortunately didn’t save so I’m just gonna try again and hope it saves this time! 😊
I have been enjoying the videos you and Brian have created for a couple of months now-was just google searching for whole food, plant based cooking and your videos were the ones that really spoke to me! When you said in your blog that after making the videos, you felt worse initially, I was reminded of Brene Brown’s work and her coining of the phrase ‘vulnerability hangover.’ Your community is here for you, we may just look like numbers and email addresses on the surface but please know that there are so many of us out here who are inspired by you, especially your ability in this video to do something that matters SO much—normalizing and destigmatizing something that SO many people experience and are not talking about! Besides relating to what you spoke about in this video, I am also a therapist and so I love when I see community supporting each other around vulnerable topics like this! You are definitely not alone! Check out both of Brene Brown’s TED talks on youtube if you haven’t already! I think you’ll like them. THANK YOU and Brian for sharing your adventure with the world! 🌟🌟🌟
It takes admirable strength to face the world and speak about your problems. You are an inspiration to so many, and part of the reason for that is because you are human. You make mistakes like the rest of us do! I truly enjoy watching, and reading what you and your husband put out for us! You have been instrumental in me starting my health journey, and I could never thank you enough. Both of you! May God richly bless you guys today, and every day…… Thank you for helping me save my own life 😊 Be strong and of good courage.
Jessica thank you so much for sharing. I have those same thought and feelings and actions and know just how you’re feeling. If I have nothing in the house I can usually do ok, but if anything is available it calls to me to be eaten. Sometimes Chic-fil-a does the same thing. People always tell me how healthy I eat and I know they have to wonder then why I’m overweight. I don’t kid myself, it’s because I eat too much and can’t seem to stop if I start. It’s a mind game and hopefully we can all provide strength for each other. I greatly admire you both.
Jessica, first of all I just love you and Brian, the love you have for each other is what a lot of people wish they had. You are such a sweetheart so don’t blame yourself for being human, you have a husband who is so understanding and he will stand with you and encourage you to keep eating healthy. Maybe your goal has been met and you don’t have to lose any more, so just eat normally as you have set your goal to eat healthy and just buy a few at a time.so you don’t feel guilty about having to sneak Sometimes it doesn’t work to deprive yourself totally of something you enjoy, it doesn’t work for me, I love chocolate too. Hang in there and don’t put guilt and especially fear even in your thoughts. If you are at home when brian goes to church on Sunday, go on Youtube and do the mile exercise, it helps every time and is a lot of fun, more than just walking lots of movements. Just look up walking and you will find a lot of videos. My favorite living room activity I am not young 77.
Jessica, Thank you for your honesty. Your husband clearly loves you and all that he knows you are down deep.
My BF travels a lot. I find myself looking forward to his trips so that I can eat unhealthily. I think a change in my eating patterns is what causes the most trouble.
I so appreciate some of the comments others have made like the 100% commitment is easier than 98% commitment. I’m starting TONIGHT with that in mind.
Jessica,
I am in recovery from bulimia. I know exactly the whole mental anguish that goes along with feeling powerless against something so seemingly insignificant as food. An alcoholic or drug addict in recovery just has to stay away from the substance they struggle with. It’s not the same for those who struggle with food addiction (disordered eating) we still have to eat! Just know that you are not alone. You said your faith is not as strong as Brian’s. You don’t need to explain yourself to us. I’m glad the sermon resonated with you. That feeling that he was speaking to you. That is God. God speaks to us in many ways not just in the act of going to a building on Sunday. It is good to have fellowship, accountability, and be a part of community, but don’t do things because you feel pressured. God is a big God and can minister to you at home. I hope and pray the very best for you. Please know you are not alone. I will pray for you. And remember…God hasn’t given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind( 2 Tim 1:7). You got this girl! You inspire me, you both do. Keep on keeping on.
Jessica, thank you for sharing so honestly, for being so vulnerable. Very meaningful for those of us who have these food struggles. I also appreciate the love between you and Brian.
I think you both are amazing and find your videos inspirational, Have made a few of the recipes. Love the spices. Thank you Brian.
I have had similar experiences with losing 100# and all of a sudden I am sneaking sugar; for me I think it is a subconscious fear. It is so crazy.
Thank you for being real and helping me realize it happens to others also. Take care and congratulations to both of you! (and Peef)
Jessica, dont look at your fall downs, look at what you have accomplished for one and a half years. We all feel this way with our diets, as for so many years we ate what we wanted, and we have ended up sick or fat, just like me, but we keep going and struggling, either to get better in health and loose weight, or we just pick ourselves up again and try to keep going ahead. Yes, you are not the only one to have a food break down, and i dont judge you or look at you in any different manner. Thanks for being honest with yourself and letting others know your struggles. Thats takes guts to do on your sight, and you are a wonderful person, as is your husband. Love can hold people together, and be there for each other, to help and guide each other along the way. I felt for you, as i said, have been in the same situation, many many times. I still struggle with food, and i fall of the wagon at times, but i just have to get my mind in that place, to get back to the good stuff. Love you both. You will get there Jessica, you will
Thank you for share your raw thoughts and struggles. Just what I needed to hear. Food has been my addiction for most of my life. I do have better control at times but have been struggling again for weeks. Your sharing has encouraged me to realize I am not alone and that I need to reach out to community for support. Again, thank you for sharing your life with us.
Hi Jessica:
Thank you for sharing your weight loss journey so honestly in both your blog and video. Both are raw and real and tell the truth about the weight loss journey. I know because I have maintained a 100 plus pound weight loss for over 20 years.
First, it is never easy. I wish I could tell you that it is, but that would not be honest. That said, as the months and years have passed, what is easier is my ability to prioritize myself and what I need and that very much affects how much I eat or rather how much I want to eat and what I want to eat.
Second, I believe the journey is very different for those of us who were heavy kids, heavy teenagers and heavy into our adulthood. Our particular bodies were designed to survive ice ages. (I know; I had my genome mapped and there they were, every SNP one could possibly want for surviving a 100,000 year glacial winter, including the hunter-gatherer phenotype that metabolizes starches slowly). In other words, for some of us diets are not a “one and done.” We will have to manage our tendency to put on weight in a food abundant world with desk jobs essentially our entire lives. That is not easy as everything conspires against that, including our own genes. (Menopause is another thing altogether, but I won’t spoil that for you.)
Having been on every diet in the known universe, and gained and lost the aforementioned 100 pounds many times before I lost it for good and kept it off, I can confidently say I know a thing or two not just about diets but about MAINTENANCE. Maintenance is whole different deal and something that is not often written about or talked about because, frankly, so few people achieve it.
I think that is largely because maintenance is–drum roll–BORING. 🙂 The newness and fun of trying a new diet has worn off. The people in the day to day are getting used to our new bodies, and the new people we meet never knew us as fat. So, the applause dries up. Our bodies are getting used to the new calorie load and we plateau or hold onto weight or even gain sometimes. And that means we have to tweak the diet that was working for us but now isn’t. It is all normal.
Apart from its purpose to keep us alive in an ice age, fat served another purpose for those of us who have been morbidly obese much of our lives: it was a wall we could hide behind to not deal with our fears and feelings. When we lose the weight, we lose the wall, and all of those feelings and fears that we have are right there on the surface, exposed. It is overwhelming. Add in the new fear of gaining back the weight, with the loss of admiration and social acceptance that weight loss brings, and it is a very difficult and emotional place to be.
You have not mentioned if you work with a therapist. I am guessing you do. There are therapists who specialize in working with people with disordered eating. Morbid obesity is definitely disordered eating. We do not become 100 plus pounds overweight simply because we like food. Working with a therapist helped me to change my relationship with food. Food is neither good nor bad. It simply is. I had to rid myself of those labels in order to see it in its proper perspective. In that way, it was neither a reward nor a punishment. The therapist helped me to do that and so much more.
As for the diet part of the journey, it has changed over the years as I have changed and my lifestyle and body have changed. I was in my 30s when I started the weight loss journey. I am almost 53 now. What I eat and how I eat today does not much resemble what I ate then. How could it? I am not the same person.
Diet is a personal thing. We each have to figure that part out for ourselves. I will share that any diet that I followed that restricted whole food groups ultimately did not work. I lost weight; however, I was not able to sustain the diet. It did not work with my real life and eventually I binged and gained weight.
Today, nothing is off the table. I realized along the way that deprivation would ultimately lead to a binge. That does not mean that I eat anything I want. I don’t and can’t. That is where self honesty and self awareness, which we DO have once the weight is off, come into play.
For example, I love potato chips, and I overeat them when they are in the house. However, that does not mean I never have potato chips. I simply put a boundary around them. I keep them out of the house and have them in a portion controlled environment. For me, that means having one small bag of chips with my Pick Two lunch at Panera on the rare occasion that I eat lunch at Panera. That way, I do not feel deprived, I do get my chips, and it is all good. Chips are neither good nor bad. They are just chips–a fun treat once in a while. I do the same thing with other foods that I know are problematic. Sometimes I do not realize it until I bring them home. (Aldi’s coconut cashew clusters are the most recent example.) When I find myself dipping into the bag or box or whatever, too many times, I throw them out, flush them in the toilet, take them to work, whatever. I then put that food on the boundary list and it stays out of the house.
I want to add that the boundary has also changed over the years. Things that were once problematic are no longer problematic. Other foods, like the chips, have stayed on the list the entire time. And new foods get added. For more on deprivation and binges, a great resource is a book called Brain Over Binge.
I have also found workarounds. I LOVE peanut butter. Yes, it is healthy. It is also very high in fat and calories! The wonderful workaround has been organic powdered peanut butter–very low in calories and easily added to yogurt (nondairy or dairy as needed), home made curries with low fat coconut milk, or stirred into a paste and put on a rice cake. There are LOTS of workarounds that cut the calories because at the end of the day, no matter what anyone says to sell a book, it really is about the calories.
As for maintenance, it isn’t sexy. It isn’t always fun. Sometimes you gain a few pounds back, but it really is manageable. I am not a unicorn; lots of people maintain their weight loss. I just think maintenance isn’t discussed much because it doesn’t sell books. Who needs to sell yet another diet book to someone maintaining his or her weight loss? The awesome thing about maintenance, though, is that it leaves a ton of time for real life and real feelings and finding out who we really are under all that weight.
On a final note (my apologies this is so long), there are a couple of YouTube vloggers who are maintaining weight loss over five years who have several videos that share the emotional part of the journey and also the physical part, i.e. loose skin. They do not maintain WFPB diets but they are wonderful resources who provide a virtual community of love and support for those of us losing or maintaining extreme weight loss. A few are: Nicole Colett. She has several videos on dealing with her anxiety, self acceptance, etc. She is a tremendous resource. Her husband, Kyle, also has lost over 100 pounds and participates in the videos. Obese to Beast (John Glaude). He is open and honest and real. he is also a Christian, like Brian, and shares his Christian journey at times as well. High Carb Hannah. She is vegan and makes some great cooking videos but also shares many personal stories. And there are others. All of them have been where you are and share about it.
By the way, I live in Pittsburgh. So, if you and Brian make it here and hold a meet up, I would love to meet you all in person.
Until then, holding space for you in the Universe Ms. Jessica. you are doing better than you feel!
Peace and Blessings and thank you for sharing your journey and providing a wonderful space for those of us walking the same road that you and Brian walk.
Jessica – THANK YOU for your honest blog post and video. Several things you said resonate with me 100%. I too am a food addict. I’ve always said “I have a problem with food” and that is the truth. I have enjoyed a mostly plant-based lifestyle for the past 9 months. I love healthy food but also really love sweets. I have “battled” my weight for 30 plus years (I am 53 years old). I even worked for a national weight loss company for 10 years – during some successful weight management times. Regardless of my weight, it is a constant mental battle. I do believe that success is found in our mindset before we ever see it on the scale or in our health. Health is my new focus. I would love to lose 10-15 pounds, but I really want to be healthy as I age. The videos that you and Brian post on YouTube are SUCH A BIG HELP! It helps to see other people living this lifestyle and so committed to health, weight loss and helping others! Thank you again – we (your community) appreciate you!!!
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Jessica.
(i get this.)
Dear Jessica — I have never left a video comment before, not here, not anywhere. However, after watching your “Struggles” video yesterday, I felt compelled to let you know that you are not alone. Many years ago, my first introduction to therapy was due to depression and unhealthy habits caused by an eating disorder, which included stealing money from my kids’ piggy banks so that I could sneak off to buy and eat junk food in secret. Now when I get the munchies, I try to manage it with little games. Instead of chain eating, I limit myself to one piece of whatever it is (pretzels, chocolate, breath mints) every 15 minutes (or some other manageable time frame). I drink a whole glass of water between bites or sometimes I just lay down the law and go brush my teeth. Many thanks to you and Brian for your “Krocks in the Kitchen” website and YouTube channel. You are such a cute and inspiring couple!
Jessica, Thanks for your transparency! I know that wasn’t easy to confess! We’re all human and have different struggles! You both have encouraged so many others to eat well and I encourage you to get back on the horse and press on! You’re both so sweet and I appreciate you! Prayers for you both! 💕
How brave you are to share this universal struggle with us all! You’ve helped me just by this story to show me and others we are not alone ! My husband and I “ enable “ each other as well for all the same feelings you shared! . Such an important post – thank you!
Thank you for bravely sharing your struggles. I relate to this on so many levels, from being on a different spiritual path from my spouse, to being vulnerable when temptation is present, to having a specific weakness for the chocolate peanut butter combination, to having a fear of gaining back what I have lost. So grateful to both of you for sharing the peaks and valleys of your journey.
You both have been an inspiration to me and I’m sure so many, many others.
The struggle is very real every day! I can’t get through a week without messing up and i do the tomorrow routine as well.
I know i bought that Trader Joes cashew caiso dip and right away i knew that it was going to be a red light food for me because I have a problem with stopping.
Maybe the chocolate peanut butter treats have triggered something in your brain and you need to get rid of them for a while.
I watch your shows over and over again to help me try to stay on track.
I admire you both for your success and wish you only the best!
Don’t ever give up!
jessica..Thank you so much for your Sunday morning confession.I want to share what I got from Robert Lustig..the anti sugar doctor.He said that it is hard to be 99 per cent pure to veganism but so much easier to be 100.>>I discovered Dr McDougall two and a half years ago.At 80 years old I weight 225 (5.8″) I decided on the spot to go vegan.In 29 months I have not had a bite of meat,dairy,eggs or oil.I weigh 158 (it took a year a two pounds a week) and I eat like a pig.I eat beans,rice,potatoes and greens everyday with oatmeal for breakfast .I know full well that if I cheat even once..that it will all be over.Forgot to say..no wine (which I loved) either.I also want to thank Brian for his testimony and say that if I don’t feel well enough to make it to church,I watch atleast two sermons on stream.It helps my resolve knowing we have a responsibility to take care of the body God blessed us with…..I love you shows and have tried every thing you two have ever cook XCEPT THOSE CARROT HOT DOGS..as hot dogs were my favorite thing in life when I was eating.Thanks again..with love to you both,buddy b
Whew! It is so good to know I am not alone in these behaviors and feelings!! Because I am wfpb, everyone around me expects me to be perfect (c’mon! I’m human and not perfect). Those Justin’s peanut butter cups are a real problem for me to – something about them, I just don’t stop eating them until they are gone. So, thank you so much for sharing your feelings as it truly made me feel better. I hope knowing you aren’t alone with this struggle will help you feel better too.
One is too many and a thousand never enough! I so relate to peanut butter cups. My downfall. I haven’t had one since December. I am trying to see how long I can go this year without doing something that leaves me feeling a sense of regret. I call this year “The Year of Rising Above” –overcoming getting in my own way. I understood the negotiation and I have learned that if I am doing that I am lying to myself and setting myself up for failure. I thank you for sharing thee struggle because I know once I start I have such a hard time getting back on track and I so want to know what life is like on the other side of getting in my own way. I want to know what it is like to be proud of myself and my progress without sabotaging it. My pattern is to get some progress loosing weight and gain it back, I’ve done it so many times I am tired of the games I play in my head, I can never have just one, or two. Never!
OMGosh! Jessica, you and I are so much alike! I have anxiety, like things a certain way, over analyze and the list goes on, LoL! Hubby also allows me to fall off the wagon in order to please me (and possibly sabotage me) because he’s not as committed to the WFPB way as I am. Well you guessed it; I fell off the wagon this week too! The sugar cravings are too much sometimes. So what do we do? We put on our big girl pants and start fresh… Right now! Let’s do this, shall we! Hugs!! ~M
I admire, respect, and appreciate both of you. I do not know your ages, however, I am most likely double your combined ages and then some.
That makes me much more senior , but not necessarily wiser.
You have a beautiful relationship and produce the best. the very best YouTube videos. Very professional.
Jessica, you are so hard on yourself. Perhaps you simply had a craving that took over. You do not have to feel less than, as you are perfect the way you are. You and Brian give so much of your beautiful selves to us, your adoring audience. No one should allow their age, height, weight, ethnicity, etc. to define them. We are wonderful where we are, as we are.
Jessica, you are a vibrant, intelligent, fun, and beautiful young woman. Embrace that woman, love her, and carry on. We all have our battles, some we choose, some choose us, and some we need to lie down and walk away.
When things get tough, love yourself more! Seems quaint but it is true! Sending you loving energy, uplifting, caring, joyful prayers and a vote of confidence! You Are Enough and you are NEVER off your path!
(This is my first post EVER to your site, or any other! 73 years young and still learning.)
Best, Sue
Thank you for sharing such an emotional post. It really hit home for me and made me see just how real these struggles are. I tend to find myself in the same place, but keep trying to push through them. Again thanks for the amazing post and video. I know we can beat this!
Hi Jessica, I am also a food addict that is on a WFPB way of life. The situation you described today, hits so close to home. While I do have quite a bit of weight to lose, I decided to try to approach it differently this time, as I started to have health issues. This time around, it’s not so much about the skinny, but more about trying to avoid insulin and medications. So when I get in those moments, I always ask myself “Is this food going to harm me or help me?” Addressing the lifestyle from more of a health perspective has helped. Don’t get me wrong though, the food addiction is powerful, and is hard at times. Keep up the great work. Not just from a weight loss perspective, but from the great service you and Brian are contributing to the plant based community and all of us out here who struggle with food. Well done!
Jessica, what a courageous woman you are, (and Brian too). I, and so many others, can relate to what you have said, and with what you are feeling. You both are such an inspiration to me/us, but that is not necessarily what you want or need to hear right now because this you already know. Yes, I, and the “Community” do hang onto your words and actions, your example
and mentoring…….I wonder how much of a load this must be for you when you may not be feeling so strong. Take this time to “fill your own cup”, celebrate yourself in your humanness, I have a fair idea about trying to present myself as close to perfection as I can make it, but as you have acknowledged, we are not that perfect, yet we are perfect in our imperfection. Stroke yourself, hold yourself, (you know Brian always will, but will you allow you to hold and love yourself?) Honour yourself and never stop being grateful for who you are. Take a few deep breaths, and just do one tiny thing differently today.
Much love and thank you, both of you.
Dear Jessica,
I just want to thank you for your bravery, for being just you and sharing your vulnerability. It just confirms that you are human and by sharing your struggles you help sooooo many others feel connected which is a basic human need!
I want to send you my support for your good days and bad days and thank you for sharing your “Adventure!”
Also I want to applaud Brian for being such a good listener and lovingly holding the space for you to share. Some husbands (In good Will) want to fix things right away, give suggestions and interrupt your flow in sharing your thoughts.
Much love to both of you,
Best,
Barbara
I second Barbara Parisi ‘s most thoughtful and loving comments.
I thought of Chef AJ too. She understands her own addiction and she has been very inspiring for me for that insight. She applies her self understanding all the time. Jessica, I am in awe of the courage you had in “having the conversation” with Brian and us. I think you will fight your way to a good place – because it is a kind of a battle. The message I get from Chef AJ is to never give up thinking of yourself as an addict. That’s how she seems to stay on top of that insight she has about sugar, oil/fat, in her psyche. Your husband is there for you and so is your community and I bet you will have nothing but support from all. Not everyone can confront difficult stuff in front of everybody. Finding another way to spend your Sunday mornings may be your first practical step. I’ve started painting. It’s an activity I’ve revived from when I was younger and so far, so good. I think it is important to come to understand that you are never really free of addiction, so it kind of stays a part of your life’s journey. Maybe a bit like a roller-coaster, sometimes it’s harder to manage and at other times it’s calmer, but always there’s the possibility of ups and downs. Whichever way you find, you’ve taken a brave first step, and you are a star!!!
Thankyou for sharing. Lots of support. Best wishes
Dear Jessica,
The strength you claim you don’t have came out in spades during your recording. Thank you so very much for sharing your strength with us all. The Buddhist say it takes a sangha (a group of fellows that keep us true to our selves) to accomplish a serene journey through this life. After years of trying to achieve goals on my own I have realized asking for help is not a weakness it is a strength. You have given me the strength to look into Overeaters Anonymous meetings, because after seeing your recording I too realized I have an addiction. Also Brian thank you for being a great listener, I too have a great partner in this life, and am so grateful that you two have each other.
I enjoy your videos and learn from both of you, but this one was difficult to watch because you might have been talking about my January path of eating. I have cooked and eaten healthy meals, but I also ate many extras that had no place in the food plan I want to follow. Knowing that I shouldn’t have certain foods in the house is not the same as what I purchase and have available. It’s a lesson that I need to relearn periodically. Thank you for reminding me that I need to keep my environment clean so that I’m not testing myself every day. Thank you for sharing your feelings because that helped me to focus on why I am trying to follow a whole food eating plan.
Hello sweetness, and a Warrior too what a combo! I feel compelled although I’m not tech savvy being a grandma known as Nama…. I genuinely feel compelled to respond to your beautiful poetic courageous sharing ‘ tour de france’ of an adventurous path…. facing our pathologies for any addiction ….. it’s a huge umbrella that they all fall under!!! And for most of us it’s a lifetime haunting of 50 shades of whatever the disease…. and in one year and a bit as ‘you’ have shared this is quantum leaps of growth !!! And a year and a bit is a small fraction in comparison of how you ‘used’ to live…. WOW!!! This is Iron Man of epic proportions of how you both delved into this with both feet! And two huge hearts! And in the public Arena! Transparently sharing so courageously and boldly!!! Gifting us with the beauty of you two!! I belong to a group called Al-Anon ( people who live with or have lived with a ‘beloved’ who has been Afflicted with the disease of alcoholism) and they remind us “progress not perfection” and clearly you are on the path of progress and I love the first syllable Pro in progress… you are so proactive! Pro Health and well-being which encompasses learning curves…. sometimes we use derogatory terms as falling off the wagon which gives us another habitual invitation to beat ourselves up…. when that and “is” part of the process just as we first learned how to walk… sure let’s be responsible able to respond to a situation healthily and accountable, what you did again on the big screen literally and figuratively! So my sweet please be gentle with yourself, we got this way incrementally over years sometimes decades so learning a new way will take some navigation and ‘apprenticing’ in this way and any trade that has an apprenticeship program takes several years….. so just recalibrate ….
Keep on your course the UPS, Downs, the curves, cul-de-sacs ,the dead ends, humbly and boldly the characteristics you both not only possess but so generously share The true Nature’s of your” beans” ( beings) I left the autocorrect in, too funny :0) another attribute you both bring is… Fun!!! This old nama is sure enjoying the ride you two delights are sharing in this world that even Jesus spoke of in biblical times … you are a LIGHT in sometimes a very dark world …as ‘ we’ humans continue to grapple at our human foibles….. love and prayers, I trust are being showered upon you in the same way you shower your authenticity with Kindred Spirits alike…. get a big old umbrella for these abundant showers from above and enjoy it !!or better yet go dancing in it! Oh what a seed you have sown!!! God’s will is Bountiful!!! then our meek and sometimes deceptive ,self will….. cloaked in “will power” dun dun dunnnnn
Love ya both!!!! Amen!! to “your “poetic prayers of life, love,sharing, caring and forgiveness in action you both clearly exemplify!
I wrote a long comment two days ago but somehow it disappeared?
Just want to say thank you for sharing, Jessica, I praise you for your courage to be open and I really appreciated that you posted this. I also really liked Brian’s response.
I am not a stranger to binge eating so I know how hard it can be.
I heard Chef AJ once say, “Just when we think we’ve got it conquered, our addiction is in the in the corner doing push-ups.”
Nothing but love and respect for you and Brian,
Ann
I’ve been vegan since 2006, but I’ve always had an eating disorder, and I have been through periods of binging (although still vegan; there are excellent vegan sweets out there). I haven’t binged since last year, and I think it has to do with following the principles of intuitive eating. I read Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch’s book on it a few months ago and it’s really changed how I approach and think about food. Again, I still follow a vegan diet, but I don’t deny myself chocolate or sugar anymore or tell myself that those foods are “bad.” And once I stopped telling myself they were “bad” foods and I “couldn’t” have them, I didn’t want to binge anymore. I’m not a doctor or therapist, but your post sounds like what I’ve gone through in the past, so I just wanted to offer what’s worked for me. Hugs to you! Here’s a bit of info about Tribole:
https://www.evelyntribole.com
https://www.instagram.com/evelyntribole/
Thank you so much for being so raw and so real. I often think there’s something wrong with me when I fall off the wagon, will start again on Monday and just can’t get my shit together. Now I see we all struggle. Thanks for all you do, you both are great.
Brian and Jessica! I found you two a couple of weeks ago. I am so proud of you. I just watched the follow up video and what you said makes sense. You’re see things aren’t fixed by telling Brian (and us, thank you!) We are a complexity that God wants to heal and make healthy and whole and He is so patient with us. I LOVE how the pastor’s story resonated with y’all’s story and you connected with it. I will be praying for you that you will understand how you got into overeating and how you will continue to be changed! This is part of healing and growth. How good you see it and are facing it. Wow. Proud of you. You got this! – Jennifer
Jessica thank you for all the encouragement you share. Maybe this book would encourage you on your journey. I spent about 7 hours listening to it as I drove alone from Arizona (for the first time) to El Paso. It’s called Full by Asheritah Ciuciu. She chronicles what she calls her struggle with food fixation, and how she has found freedom through her faith and a change in her thinking….interestingly that’s what the word repent means….to change one’s mind….But I digress….i was touched by your honesty and really like how you and Brian share your life with us. Just thought I’d mention a resource that meant a lot to me. 💟
Jessica, I’m the same way. We had a potluck at work yesterday (a pre-chiefs game party) and i thought I could test my strength by just not eating the bad food. I even made cheese dip and told myself I just won’t eat it. Well, I did and I ate everything else also. I wasn’t going to tell my husband but ended up I texting him hoping he would be more upset and tell me to stop. He supported me and said that I’ve been doing so good otherwise and it’s ok because I was stressed and that I’ll get back on track. While I appreciated that, it didn’t stop me. I continued snacking on bad food throughout the day and now it’s 3 am and I’ve been up with a tummy ache. And this is when I watched your video. I agree with Brian, I’m that I shouldn’t have bought stuff to make cheese dip in the first place. I shouldn’t put myself in that situation. I could’ve easily brought in something healthy and maybe I wouldn’t have been as tempted. Anyway, excited to get back on track with you guys and continue watching your videos! <3
Thank you Jessica for the “realness” of that conversation. It was like I was talking to myself (not in a weird way…LOL). I have and continue to struggle with stress/emotional eating. Some days are good, other days just ok….then those other days I am on the struggle bus all day long.
I agree with the other comments that it took great courage to talk about your struggle with Brian and with the rest of us.
I’m having the same struggle right now and you are setting a wonderful example for those of us who have some of the same issues from time to time.
To Brian’s point, none of us is perfect and we don’t have to be perfect all the time. I wish I fully understood that myself, because I think it would make me more forgiving and more of a risk-taker. As much as I want to reach my goal weight and stay on my whole-food plant-based track permanently, I tend to sabotage myself when I’m getting close to goal, and I think it’s because I don’t want to fail in keeping the weight off. I have the same fear–that it’ll all come back again.
I just started watching you recently. You sucked me in because it’s so apparent you love each other very much, and you are working together to accomplish something very important and meaningful and healthy for yourselves and for others.
I appreciate you being so real! You are refreshing and entertaining and informative and it’s impossible not to connect with your desire to help others. That is what makes what you do so poignant and effective.
You are both lucky to have each other. Brian is such a good listener! Not many of those left in the world! And Jessica, you are delightful and very talented.
Thank you for letting all of us in on your adventure. Every adventure has its ups and downs. I know your avid fans support you totally, and we are with you all the way. We’ll get there! And we’ll learn along the way and be much better in the end.
Thank you for sharing such an intimate and emotional issue with us. Of course, we ALL feel you!!! I have experienced much of what you have experienced over a lifetime. I have been WFPB with no oil or refined sugar for almost 2 years. Sometimes, I feel really strongly that I just want to eat something overly sweet or fatty or both. I have found that if I just make the DECISION to have the food object(s) of my focus, once I am CERTAIN that it is stuck in my head, then I go ahead and have it AND I DECIDE to enjoy it! Yup! I do my best to enjoy it (though it inevitably leads to about 24 hours of tummy upset). I am then SUPER strict about getting back on point the very next day. I have found that I will end of consuming WAY more calories if I try to squash the intense craving with other things that don’t really leave me satisfied for what I wanted to begin with and it is worse for me physically and mentally. I have some rules around what I will eat that I do not break…vegan and gluten-free ONLY. I have also learned that whatever I DECIDE I am going to have, I only keep in my place for the length of the allotted time that I set which is ALWAYS no longer than a few hours and never crosses over to more than one day. I am not able to keep things, like the peanut butter cups you described, just hanging around for the next time I feel the need to have something decadent. It is better to throw them our immediately or give them away (but it has to be immediately). On the other hand, I find that I can keep a jumbo bar of Trader Joe’s 72% cocoa bar around and just eat one square after dinner on occasion. So that is something I do so I don’t build up a feeling of deprivation. I couldn’t do that with a chocolate that I found more delicious. I think that accepting the fact that at some points, on the Adventure, you are going to find yourself really wanting something that you shouldn’t eat every single day. It’s SUPER easy to fall into a trap of indulging every day; if it wasn’t, it would take much longer than the typical 30-second tv spot to sell you on eating all manner of garbage. There are so many physical, emotional, physiological, neurological, and cultural factors that go into every daily activity, especially eating, that you are going to have things like this happen. I think the thing that has helped me the most is figuring out the difference between a passing craving and one that I am better off feeding than fighting. Once I did that, I was able to let go of the intense kind of pain that you expressed in the video that results from exactly what you are going through. Consider it a Master Class level learning experience. You CAN and WILL get through this without reverting to your old ways. It is natural for us to have the kinds of feelings you are having but we can adjust things so that they are not the go-to response when we inevitably fulfill a craving. I hope this helps. You’ve got this! Feel free to email me directly if you want to chat further. PS- Thank you and Brian for all the fabulous videos! YOU guys help me stay on track!
I want you to know that we are not perfect and we all have our struggles. I applaud you for sharing your journey, good and bad. I was researching gastric bypass surgery and came across your YouTube channel. It saved me from doing something I would have regretted. I have been WFPB since AUG of 2019 and haven’t felt better. The weight hasn’t been coming off as quickly as I would like it, but I am coming from a keto/carnivore lifefstyle and the concept of eating carbs has taken me over-board. I know what I have to do and keep saying tomorrow… thank you for being you <3
Hi Jessica – I watched this video earlier, and the follow up, and have finally remembered to come check out the full blog post. I am so glad that you did both videos. The videos and the blog are so well done. And as I said in comments, I can SO relate to them. I have struggled with weight since about the 6th grade (I will be 50 this year). Overall I have managed to go a good part of my adult life at a weight I am happy with. However I have had moments in time where my life got disrupted and I gained back weight, sometimes back to my heaviest, sometimes a little less. I have always gotten back on track at some point, but each time it seems to be a bit harder and take a bit longer. Your video really spoke to me with the struggles I have mostly done to myself, the buying of bargain chocolate, post holiday deals, etc. and telling myself it will be a test. This time it will be different….and for the first day it is……then it’s not and I’m back to the binge and sneak eating (I know my husband wouldn’t care but I still feel the need to sneak). After watching your video I was inspired (I still am) and just like you, despite the new inspiration I wasn’t doing much to immediately get back on track. And the next day I felt a little worse. It was so good to hear that I’m not alone in this kind of thing. I’m getting better as the crap disappears from the shelves, but I confess that I have been eating it as I can’t quite seem to just throw it out. Some I did bring to work. I look forward to seeing more of your (& Brian’s) journey. I can’t remember how I stumbled on your YouTube channel but I am glad I did. I didn’t meant for this to be so long winded!
Is a replay available for the sermon?
Jessica: I am a 66 year-old male. From 1991-1993, I, too, was in a dark place. My addiction wasn’t food, though. It was alcohol-specifically, beer and cheap wine. My wife and I separated. Daily, I drank. I am 5’2″ tall. My frame is small. My weight soared, from 120 to 162 Then, on June 24, 1993, my mother died. She was an alcoholic. I had become an alcoholic. My wife allowed me to come home. We had an 8 year-old son and a 21 year-old daughter. Had I not had someone who loved me and cared enough about me to help me stop drinking, I might not be alive. Thank you, for telling your story and for allowing me to tell my story.
Jessica,
As someone who’s been on my own weight loss “adventures” at different times in my life I want you to know you’re not alone. First and foremost, don’t beat yourself up. Okay, so you slipped. Its happened to us all. We’re imperfect beings and we mess up from time to time. You should pat yourself on the back for how you took responsibility and made yourself accountable for straying from your diet plan. And how you’ve already brushed yourself off and started moving forward with a plan to get back on the straight and narrow. I commend you for starting round two of Mary’s Mini. I really look forward to the videos. You said in your post above “I know I have what it takes to beat this” and you do. Look what you’ve already accomplished. Look at yourself in your first video and look at yourself today. You should be proud of yourself. So just keeping moving forward on your adventure. You learned and you’ve grown and next time you’ll do better.
I want to end by saying how much I have been enjoying your channel. You’ve both done so well with your weight loss. You’re an inspiration.
I just discovered you both a few weeks ago, and because of your weight loss and especially your “realness” I did some research on Mary’s Mini and WFPB and will be starting my first mini on the 3rd. I have always been turned off to Vegan, Organic, Whole foods, Plant based things because I have seen so many people in person and on youtube that act like it’s a complete cure all and once you go on the path, you won’t ever stray. I knew it was poppycock because we all have foods we loved in the past that we will have to fight to control most if not all of our lives. Thank you so much for being “Real”. For admitting that even though your lifestyle has changed your life for the better and that you want to continue it, that you DO have challenges. The realness and honesty you both show is what made me finally decide to check out this lifestyle. Thank you so much for not being fake. I am 5’3 and 350lbs..I will be starting my mini on the 3rd and will be doing it for the whole month of Feb to jump start my weight loss and re set my taste buds from years of abuse. I would not be doing this if I hadn’t discovered you both and found you so relatable. Thank you
Jessica, I felt like I was telling my own story through you. Everything you said was what I was experiencing and I was beating myself up. I’ve been on the WFPB way of eating 14 months and like you, was doing good staying on track until the past few weeks and instead of the mini Reese’s, mine was M& M’s. I am on my journey alone as my husband says he can’t eat that way and I’m also caring for my brother who lost his eyesight last February and who was diagnoses with stage 4 prostate cancer and says he can’t eat that way either. I am surrounded with the temptations as my husband, my brother and I are all sugar addicts. I needed so badly to hear that you are struggling too, because it gave me hope. It’s like God knew I needed you in my life in that very moment. You don’t realize how you touch other people thru your own journey, but you sure touched mine and you let me know I’m not alone. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there. I’m so grateful to you. I wish I was able to talk to you one on one as you and Bryan have become my support system.
You’re only human, girl. Get over it. PB and chocolate are not that bad for you. You can even make your own PB balls with PB, flaxseed, maple syrup, coconut flour and choc chips. Use dark choc with less sugar.
Find healthier alternatives to your binge eats.
Dear Jessica,
You, my dear, are NOT a failure!
You are:
BRAVE
BEAUTIFUL
HONEST
SINCERE
KIND
GENTLE
LOVING
Repeat that every day. Twice a day if you need to. Your struggles do NOT define you – that’s a lie. What defines you is your reaction to your struggles, and my dear, you are doing fantastic. 🙂 Much love, and many hugs, Roz
Dear Jessica, I have been doing this (plant based lifestyle)for 8+ years and 3 years in I had a heart attack and a quintuple bypass heart surgery. After that happened I was at an all time low as far as staying strong. But, 6 days after surgery my surgeon came in to my room with 5 colleagues. (He had no idea how weak I felt and how hopeless I felt that eating plant based hadn’t “worked” at that point.)But God knew. The surgeon asked me,,when him and his colleagues stepped into the room, “ I want to know your secret!” Of course I was thinking, “I have no secrets from you, you just cut me chest open!” He said, No, seriously, I want you to tell me what you eat, how you live. “ I said, well for 3 years now I’ve been eating Whole Food plant based, no oil, little salt, no sugar. Why do you ask?” He said, “well, I have done many quintuple bypasses in my 30 years but I have NEVER done 5 bypasses while there was no permanent heart muscle damage! You’re the first one!” I said, well I’m confused. Them why am I here? Why didn’t the change in what I eat keep me from the heart attack?” To that he said, “Oh, don’t look at it like that! If you haven’t done that I am certain you would have never made it to the hospital alive the day of your heart attack! Keep doing what you’re doing!”
WOW! God knew that he was the only person who could say that to me that I would believe! That is exactly what needed to keep going and keep trying to reverse my heart disease and diabetes. I was 59 years old that day. I’m 65 now, live in Kansas City and I’m still eating plant based. I lost some weight, but cannot seem to get those last 25 lbs off. AND, I have had moments throughout these 8 years that I have been exactly where you are! Sometimes it takes a while to get your head straight again, because deep down if you were a food addict (which I am) your old patterns or habits sneak back in. This last November-December my hubby (who just now got on board—it took 8 years of praying and hoping he would) went to True North Health Center to do a medically supervised water fast. That was a great boost to our continuing in the right direction. Something I heard while there might help you, it’s something instinctively you already know, but it helped me to hear it. There was a doctor there who told a story about going to a friend’s apartment for a NY’s Eve party. Someone had given him a box of See’s candy and he took it to the party. He said he sat the box down and kept trying to resist it. Finally he just offered the candy to whomever wanted a piece, then set 2 pieces on the bar in front of his chair. Then he took the box across the hall and promptly threw it down the trash shoot in his friend’s high rise apartment building. He went on to say, “it took 10 seconds to make that decision and throw all the future decisions away at one time.” He said it takes a whole lot less mental energy to make one quick decision than to have to agonise over all 30 pieces one at a time. I have tried to think more that way. We had a successful water fast and we are doing ok now, but I know after doing this for 8 years, I will face temporary set backs along the way. It’s not so much about when that happens. It’s more important to get back on track fairly quickly. I am very impressed with your willingness to be vulnerable because those honest moments are an inspiratiion to us all. We’re all in this together while the world screams from every direction, eat this SAD food! Thank you both for sharing your adventure with us all. I gave your website to so many people at True North. We were there 34 days and many went back to their rooms to watch you and Brittany Jaroudi’s you tube channels and kept thanking me for telling them about your site! My daughter and I tune in 2X a week to watch you every week! My hubby and I would love to meet you both. We go through Saint Louis lots to see our 2 out of town daughters in Birmingham and Knoxville! We all need each other to help us all n our ADVENTURES! Thanks again for your openness!
You’re amazing Lorie. Thank you. Sometimes all we hear are the same pre crisis success stories. We rarely get to hear battles after or during the adventure (started to put in the other word there). I’ve had severe health issues and you’ve given me hope.
Thank you for sharing your story. It puts my fear of heart disease in perspective. Keep up the good work. And it is WORK sometimes.
Thank you Jessica for this post. Thank you everyone who commented thus far for sharing your struggle and vulnerability. In early Oct 2018 my boyfriend and I embarked on our wfpb “adventure.” Everything was going so well. We were losing weight, gaining our health back, feeling great, etc. Then in mid May my boyfriend died as a result of a work related accident. With my true love no longer at my side I have been struggling with my eating… Watching your video today and reading everyone’s comments have touched a chord… Thank you Jessica for starting this real conversation – – – and everyone for your comments. Also, thank you Brian for standing by, listening to and supporting your beautiful wife.
Thank you for sharing your life with us. I just found you two a few weeks ago and subscribed. I have been WFPB for 2 years. I lost 50 lbs and still have much more to go. Then we went on a 3 month trip in our motor home. I took my instant pot and thought I was doing pretty good. But I went off plan a few time, then it grew to a few more, then I was promising to get back on plan the next day. I have been in a dark place because I gained all my weight back and have been having health problems again. I have no one to help me, my husband won’t do the plan and the house is full of unhealthy food. I know I need to hate my addiction but sometimes I just don’t. I look to you for strength that I can do this plan. It is possible. Please keep going we love you both! If you have any suggestions or could do a program on how to be strong and find support would be so helpful for me.
Dear Jessica,
I have been there so many times. The key to maintaining weight loss for me is to consistently go back to my healthy food program.
You are doing so well. A few bumps in the road won’t stop you’re adventure. 🙂 Just keep swimming…
My difficult times are after a vacation too. I usually stick to program (Starch Solution) about 80 percent when I travel. So when I get home the cravings are out of control. I also do a strict Mary’s mini and I’m back on track.
I highly value the content you and Brian share. It’s so inspiring to see real people (not scripted TV programs) with real success and real setbacks. We’re only human and our little taste buds play a big role in our enjoyment of life.
Hang in there – I love your story.
Dear Jessica,
Thank you. Thank you for sharing and being so honest and open about your struggles. I have pretty much the exact relationship with food. In the summer I did a stint on whole foods plant based- using much of Medical Medium’s information including celery juice, but really just paying attention to what foods make my body feel good. I dropped weight so quickly and easily and I really wasn’t trying- I was doing it for mental health mostly, but overall health of course, and I started to feel SO GOOD. But the cost of so much fresh produce got to us and I started to incorporate more grains- brown rice, oatmeal… and that was my slippery slope that has, in the last couple of months, brought me back to boxes of cookies, donuts and coffee…. like you with the peanut butter cups, I started off with a thing here and there, proving to myself that I am healed- I’m not addicted anymore, yada yada.. but guess what? So…. I’ve been focused on this area in my personal development and have been reading about body positive, diet culture, how children form relationships with food, etc. I read/heard on a podcast that it takes SEVEN years to recover from food addiction!! Whaaaaaaa!!! Anyway, in the last couple of days I’ve realized that I’m out of control and want to find the bliss that I felt in the summer. Part of that finding my way back, was to search for your channel. Talk about synchronicity- your conversation had me tearing up, chest all tight and also my heart feeling so warm and full and knowing that I can do this- we can do this! We CAN get past these old habits (I also have looked forward to times when I know my guy isn’t going to be home so I can just eat and watch tv- ahhhh!!! Whole boxes of cookies are my thing- I have a hard time stopping with any kind of packaged food actually, until its gone… even though I know logically that I’m soooo much happier without that!). I’m sending you so much light and love and gratitude, Jessica. When in the height of feeling good I played around with the idea of starting a binge eating support group channel- but when I started learning about all the research that says you shouldn’t restrict yourself to any type of eating plan when recovering from food addiction, I kind of lost focus… b/c I feel so good on WFPB (I also lost weight and felt really good on low carb high fat lifestyle )…. I have felt in my heart that this way of eating is the answer, but I’m beginning to consider that an overhaul on my relationship to food is the next step. The other night (as I was eating a donut) my boyfriend asked if I wanted to get rid of everything junk in the house right now and start fresh. With a straight face, and I think even a clear head, I said no. I really feel like I’m performing a grand experiment to figure out how to have a “normal” relationship to food. I haven’t figured out exactly how that will go (and since that conversation I’ve swapped the baked goods for fruits and veggies), but perhaps the idea will spark something within you too. Thank you again. I have loved Krocks in the Kitchen and now I love you even more, sister! You’ve got this. We’ve got this!!!
Aaaand, what about kids!? I don’t know what you and Brian feel about kids, but I’m 39, have always wanted them and assumed I’d have them already, but I don’t. I’m an early childhood educator, so my life is kids, and I have felt super confident in talking to them about eating healthy foods. But now that I’ve taken this dive into recovery from my food addiction, I’m so confused and so scared that I’m gonna mess the kids I care for up! I’m working as a nanny right now, and I know that I am NOT messing them up. I eat beautiful healthy food and am a great role model- in front of them. But the family’s eating style is so out line with mine- the kitchen is full of every kind of processed food that I grew up loving and binging on. So nowadays, every day is a test of my willpower. Part of me has considered leaving the job just for this reason… but another part thinks I should be able to get past it. Hmm…
Wow, Thank you Ms. Jessica
Today, I’ve been dealing pretty much the same issues. Hiding, etc. same things. I keep saying Lord, I’m tired, I don’t know how to get through this one. Jessica, I’m a deliverance minister……. Today, I saw your video, don’t tell me, God isn’t moving in you and I- life. Amazing. I really needed to hear your testimony. Also, You say your faith isn’t as strong, We’ll sweetheart, it is !!!!! It took so much faith just to do what you did, all of it. You did actually what’s Jesus wants all of us to do, confess your faults, so we can pray for each other. James 5;14-16, My favorite prayer…. I thank you, may God bless you both greatly….. J
Thank you ❤️
This is in response to Jessica’s video of Sunday, March 15th, “Getting Back on Track …”
Jessica, first – the most important things you should know – your hair looked honestly and absolutely so cute pulled back from your face. You should wear it that way more often. And the extreme camera close-up revealed beautiful blue eyes we all probably hadn’t seen before. Then there’s the little issue of regaining some weight – not a biggie, really. We all give in to temptation every now and then – except, of course, for Chef AJ and Dr. Goldhamer 🙂 But I think you’re right that your vacation in England really disrupted your routine. And that is no small thing because those routines keep us going. It hurt to see the sadness and pain on your face in the video today and I hope that being so honest with yourself and so open with other people, will help you to let go of that pain, because you deserve to be happy. No self-forgiveness necessary. You have nothing to blame yourself for. On the contrary, you have so much to give yourself credit for. You said at one point that you need to keep this thing afloat and keep this ship going. You and Brian are in this together and I’m sure that Brian would want you to rely on him as much as he relies on you. Please try to do him the favor of sharing the responsibility with him and do yourself the favor of giving yourself a break. I know how much my husband and I have helped each other most of the time – with the occasional flagrant enabling of bad behavior which we usually have a pretty good laugh about – but we are so lucky to have each other and you and Brian seem to have that same special something. You’ve got an action plan and you’ve got Brian, so you’re all set. Go for it! And know that there are lots of us who are with you – both you and Brian – in spirit. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. Jessie
Thank you so much for your kind words Jessie ❤️ I really appreciate it.
Just finished watching this and “Getting Back on Track: Parts 1 and 2.” I think you’re incredibly brave to share, and it’s helps me to know others struggle sometimes, too!
Here’s a link to a video that really helped me understand some of my stressors and keep centered on my own plant based whole foods (no added fat/sugar) diet. And it’s a fun watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVSz8W8u1wU
Stay strong! 🙂
Thank you for watching & for sharing that Jill! 🙂
Do you happen to have the link to that sermon? I would like to watch it if possible. Thank you.
Here you go! https://youtu.be/jeqdJUYxdrs
Dear Jessica,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I understand it. Every single part of it. I love how gentle Brian responded. You can rest in knowing he cares deeply for you. I actually think your fear is perfectly normal. Because you have been here before … at or very near your goal weight , you are seriously fearful that all of your hard work will be lost and you will forget Everything you have learned since day one.
But this time is different.
I think writing down why this time is different could help.
You know why it’s different this time. Blog about it or keep it to yourself. It’s up to you.
I also would like to encourage you in your faith adventure… I am grateful that you shared this piece too and I hope you did not receive any negative response from the Christian community about what you shared… i Love your forthrightness. But you did say that you sometimes would like a faith like Brian has… so I would just encourage you to chase after that desire. If your faith isn’t working then press in and ask God for more faith. He will always answer . Thankful for you both. Blessing as you continue this adventure long after the scale no longer needs to move. Remember it’s not a diet… but a way of eating that you know will never change cuz it was never just about the weight.
You are very brave. Just filming is brave, much less baring your soul so that we don’t feel alone. I don’t know of anybody that learned how to ride a bike (or ice skate!) without falling down.
And yet the only way to learn is by getting back up again. You encourage me to follow a healthier path with each video. It is clear from the other side of the camera that you two help, support and love each other through thick and thin. Peef is proud.
“Eating” is about so many more things than just nutrition. Our lives are entangled with many layers of connections to our food. Perhaps your trip triggered some of your precious earliest memories. But, that’s not something that needs to be figured out. What I would like to offer is this piece of advice: limiting or eliminating completely any particular food from our diet (unless we are allergic to that food) can have later devastating affects. Almost all diets lead to weight loss, but each person must ask themselves what else am I losing? As a person that has also struggled with keeping balance in my life with food, I understand your pain. But, again…ask yourself what else am I losing by eating this way? Life is short. A little joy goes a long way. I find joy and satisfaction now in knowing I can eat anything I want. I don’t have to restrict myself, just love myself. Knowing that keeps me from overeating anything. I’ve read a lot of books, and tried a lot diets. I know my own brain chemistry well now. (I’m 61 years old) To strive for veganism was demolishing me, depressing me, and ultimately led me to sugar addiction. I’m not slamming you for your choices. Sometimes you just have to do something very different in order to see change. And believe me, Jessica…that can happen more than once. What worlds today, or has been working, may not always work. Change is ok. Don’t be resistant to it. It shows maturity, not weakness. Of all the dietary books I’ve read over the years, one sticks out in my mind and heart. It’s entitled “How to Eat Like a Tree.” It’s sheer poetry.
Stop beating yourself up. You’re just human. Humans are supposed to enjoy life, and have joy in life. Part of that means enjoying foods of all kinds. Savoring them. And perhaps mostly plants.